What a life we live. I’m am sorry to say that to my family and friends I will forever be known as The Girl That Hates People. In a way this is true, for a period of time, this period of time I’m in right now, I’m not prone to liking people or communicating with them in general. Someday, I may come to terms with this creature known as the homeo sapen, but it might be a while before that happens.
Life isn’t always kind. Ofton, it does strange things to wake us up to reality and change us. It hurts a lot of the time. In fact, it’s rare that it uses gentle means to do this. Some people are easier woken up than others as well. Some only require a whisper in the ear. Others, a cold bucket of water. In a way, maybe the reason I “hate” people, is because I got woken up a little too fast. I’m not saying it was bad, because it has already helped me in this short period of time that I’ve experienced it, it just hurt a little more than most.
I guess I’m a philosopher now. That’s an odd thing to think about. I’ve always thought I was a bit of a philosopher, but I knew I wasn’t one in reality. Deep down, I wanted to believe that life was still all good, that everyone got a happy ending, all that junk.
I wanted to be that sorta popular girl that had a boyfriend that loved her, parents who supported her, and a best friend that was always there for her, but didn’t feel she needed to fit in the mold of the culture, and was happy the way she was. She’s a christian, a servant-hearted lovely. She doesn’t know she’s pretty, and she has an amazing life ahead of her.
Here’s my life as a contrast. I’m “friends” with everyone, but I have no one I trust with my secrets or anything for that matter. I’ve never had a guy like me, at least not anyone worth mentioning, and I’ve never been asked out or noticed that way. (I’m 16 almost 17 btw.) I don’t really care about fitting in anymore, which is good, and I’m actually kinda fine with who I am, which really surprises me. I’m ok with me right now. I am a christian, but I’ve always just thought about myself. I’m not pretty, nothing to deny there. I know I have a good life ahead of me, and I’m looking forward to it, there’s just a part of me that’s dead to everything right now, and in a way I’m scared of it, and in a way I’m totally cool with it.
I guess I should stop for now, that’s a lot to think over.
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