I meet a girl Sunday. She was suppose to help me get some coke for sunday night since i am on vacation from work the whole week. to back story, as most of you have already noticed, i am a drug addict. I personally classify myself as a functional drug addict, meaning the rent, gas, food, and important bills always get paid before i get high. Ive just found that specific way works for me. So anyway, we drive about 30 minutes to this guys rickety ass trap house. She tells me to wait and she’ll get it since he doesn’t know me and she did not want to spook him. So she gets back in the car and we drive off. Shortly after I ask to look at it and find that the guy gave us meth and not cocaine. For all who do not know the difference, cocaine is way more expensive because at the end of the session, i am paying for the luxury of being able to take a couple over the counter sleep aids and will be asleep and resting just a few hours after the last of the coke it gone. Meth on the other hand, to be awake for three days is just normal. Thats why i prefer coke so i can still live a life. Under normal circumstances, i would have told her to take it back and get either my money back or get actual cocaine and not meth. But i have a week where i literally have nothing to do but clean the apartment and cook for my roommates, so i kept it. after searching for a place for us to go get high and hang, we finally decide to just get a hotel room for the night so we can start getting high. Now, for anyone who doesn’t know what meth makes you do, in my mind, the only reason we are getting this room is so we can fuck non stop until it is time to check out. Just a thing.
So we get inside the room around midnight and get settled in and take the first of our binge hits. This was different than the last time i did meth. Usually, and im just being honest here sorry for the graphic scene, but i usually park myself infront of my computer and beat off until its not possible anymore. That is the only single use for this drug in my mind. And this girl im with is absolutely beautiful. Minimum an 8, which for a goofy, geeky, self embarrassing guy like me, is just simply unheard of to be with. To be honest, i was under the impression she was just using me to get high and have sex, which i was more than fine with because again thats what i thought the plan was anyway.
But things took a turn after about four or five hits. We didnt fuck until we couldnt fuck anymore. We actually did nothing remotly sexual. Instead, me and this girl talked. But not normal chit chat, bullshit shallow talking. This was deep. questions like; are you prepared to die? are you afraid of death? what are your goals in life? Who are you besides a drug addict? who were you before the drugs? who has hurt you in the past? and many many many more like that and even deeper.
We sat there in that nasty cheap hotel and learned as much about the other that we could think of. We listened to each other, not just hearing. When she brought up an ex, i remembered his name that had been briefly brought up hours before. I wanted to know this girl, and she wanted to know me. It was indescribable the way we connected that night.
Morning came quick in our meth fueled escapade. Check out was eleven. At ten i looked at her and said, would you like to stay another night? the look of happiness she gave me was answer enough.
In total we spent from Sunday at eight pm all the way to Tuesday at eleven thirty am together, very rarely leaving the company of one another. I loved and will cherish every second of that span of time with her. And we didn’t even have sex, the single reason i decided to come with her in the first place. Sure we tried, however due to the meth, i was not able to get an erection. But that didnt matter to her at all. We just layed there wrapped in each others arms for hours while we continued to learn everything about the other.
The drugs have almost completely wearied off by now for me. I was terrified that all of the emotions i was feeling were just the drugs. But they have out lasted to meth. I have not been with her now for going on to nine hours, and i fucking miss her. She’s the only thing on my mind right now. I dont want to use the big L word just yet, but i truly care about this girl. She does more meth than i do, as i only splurge once or twice a year on vacation, and she is whats called a picker. This is someone who will sit in front of a mirror for hours on end and pick at their skin because the meth distorts their vision, giving the illusion of bugs crawling under the skin. For some people its different, but you get the picture. Both of her arms are completely covered in scabs as well as her legs and face. To most people, she is hideous due to all of the scabs and open areas of skin showing. But i do not even care about them. I hate that she is so self conscious about them. It breaks her heart she has turned into a picker. When i look at her though, i dont see her scars. I dont see her physical beauty. When i look at her, i see the woman that i want to give the world to. I want to show her happiness. I want her to be happy. I want her to love and be loved.
I messaged her on snap chat about an hour ago and she hasn’t responded, which has kinda bummed me out, but I realize she has a life too lol shes probably just busy. I cant wait to talk to her again though. She kept asking me during our two and a half days if i wanted to see her again. Im a very sarcastic person with a very dry sense of humor. So every time i jokingly said absolutely not, which would cause her to get a little look of sadness over her beautiful face. Of course i said im not playing and that i absolutely want to be with her again, exposing her beautiful smile to me.
Im really hoping this is real and not the drugs. I am a hopeless romantic to my core. When my ex and me went to go see the fault in our stars when it came out, i was the one who was balling like a baby lol so to say it will hurt if this is not a real thing will be real. but i dont think its that way at all. I think we created a connection between us neither of us have every felt until that night.I cant wait to see where this takes us.
This is a late edit, but part of our conversation points was our thoughts on our addictions and how we wanted to finally be able to get clean. Sure we kept getting high afterwards, but that was merely to prolong a terrible crash that was on the way since we wanted to continue enjoying the moment we were caught in. The comedown from our use the previous day and a half would ruin things and we did not want to leave where we were at.
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