Restful-ish weekend, which was nice.
CD and I tried to get together for a walk on Saturday morning, but it rained like a mutha, so we postponed it for a lunchtime walk. We walked over to the far coffee shop and because it was still wet outside we snuck the dog inside. Didn’t really have to sneak her, though - they gave us a sweet little window seat and Martini sat on my lap and was a good girl the whole time…even when she would snag pieces of kale off my plate.
CD walked me home and we shared the sweetest, longest hug at my door. No kiss. We haven’t kissed the last two times we’ve seen each other, but he’s still willing to hang out with me (I’m seeing him on Friday evening), so we’ll see. I’m happy he’s a patient man.
I stayed at home on Saturday evening and watched Wine Country which made me a little melancholy. Yes, there were very funny parts, but the health issues and then talk of getting old made me bluesy. Suppose it just hit too close to home. I was telling [Athena] that the movie Bridesmaids made me feel kind of the same way, and we decided that it might be because I’m so much like the Kristen Wiig character…
Ha.
Sunday morning Walk & Talk with [Athena] was JUST what the doctor ordered since the weather was absolutely stunning outside by then. We even walked the long section and it made me feel soooooo good, even though my blood pressure was high.
And then Mother’s Day lunch with my mom and dad was OK. I feel closer to my mom than ever now that we’re talking on the phone every night. But lunch made me tired for some reason. I’d decided not to check my BP all weekend because it makes me upset and worried and I didn’t want to feel like that. Still, I bumped my head when I got in the car when they came to pick me up and it freaked me out. All through lunch I was thinking about what if my head started bleeding internally??!! I hate that it was on my mind, but I couldn’t help it!
Turns out, I was fine, but still. I know it wasn’t the most awesome Mother’s Day, but I talked with her last night and my brother and SIL took her out last night and she seemed really pleased with the last couple of days.
Sunday evening, Best Bud had invited me to their friends’ place downtown. Best Bud and her husband have some very close friends who’ve recently moved to my hood and they were having a get-together. I was VERY tired but figured it was the least I could do to walk over to see them as they are within walking distance. I only knew a couple of people there and I think Best Bud was drunk or at least a little tipsy by the time I arrived. I was NOT feeling it whatsoever, and I felt very awkward having to explain to Best Bud why I was so tired and not feeling well. It’s like she wasn’t understanding what I was saying, which is weird because she was with me in the ER and also came to help me when I was discharged from the hospital. She was in absolute disbelief that I was not being my happy-go-lucky Ginger Snap that she knows and loves. She was even surprised that I refused a glass of wine.
I said my goodbyes and left feeling weird.
A few minutes later, BB sent me a text asking me about my vascular surgeon and telling me that there was a woman at the party who’s part of the vascular team at a different hospital than the one where I was. Long story, but I guess this woman set Best Bud straight because it was like a lightbulb went off in her head. She was very apologetic, sending me this text:
“I’m sorry I can’t make it better! It’s hard to get because I think of you as Wonder Woman! You keep listening to your body!! No one else can do that! This shit is serious! Don’t ignore!”
…which is what I was trying to tell HER to begin with. I was listening to my body by telling her that I needed to go home and go to bed!
But seriously, I think she was drunk. I thought that the seriousness of seeing me in the ER surrounded by doctors might have sunk in, but I also can see how she might think I was better by now. It’s been FIVE weeks!
And I hate not being my old happy-go-lucky self! I’m soooooo nervous that this injury might not be healing or that I’ll do something that will mess up the healing and then be back to square one…or WORSE! I just have to be very, very careful until I know that the healing process it at least underway! It’s a fine line between feeling good and doing the things I know I can do to lead a happy life and being cautious and taking care of myself. It’s sometimes hard to know if I’m taking care of myself or not. I’m trying to be gentle, but I’m also trying to be active enough to make sure my blood is flowing, you know?
I went to my new PCP yesterday. My blood pressure is still high and he did a whole series of new blood tests. Ugh. Two giant vials of blood…I hate that. But the tests have shown that my thyroid is underactive (I knew this but took myself off the meds because they made me jittery - I was scared they might have made my BP rise, but taking myself off may have actually had the opposite effect…stupid me). Medically, I’m all over the place, but surprisingly I felt better after I left the doctor’s office and I feel pretty darn good today.
I go back to the surgeon on Monday. I’ll get my 6-week follow-up CT and CTA scans. I pray that they see that this injury is healing. I have a list of about 50 questions to ask him. And the list grows by the day.
I’m going to be fine. That I know for sure! But I have to be careful along the way…
xox,
GS
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