Oh man were there some good times. You would think a lot of them would come from the two years of us doing nothing but events. Having no worry what so ever. Traveling and doing anything we wanted. To me, they don’t even stand out.
The west end is far more memorable. It was one of the lowest points in our life but i think that is what stood out the most. I saw how hard you were trying. I saw how insanely tough you were. How determined and most of all, how positive you were.
Debt was huge. We had nothing. Even though I hardly ever saw you, I could still FEEL how much you loved me. Like we could be in two completely different worlds and yet it was ME who would be on your mind. It was a crazy thought. One I should have shared a lot more with you, but I had to be a MAN! I was the one who should be providing. Not you! God that ate at me.
The glow of our relationship was intoxicating then. The best part of it was we just existed in out own little bubble, together. I could be sitting on the couch playing xbox. You on your laptop right beside me, talking to friends and planning adventures for us. It was so… easy to be with you. Like it all clicked.
Ten years from now, thirty. No matter what happens, THAT is what I want to be doing.
All good things end tho. I couldn’t show emotions. Even though I was vomiting them at the time. A ring. A necklace. Hell even more love notes would have shown you just how committed i was and this stupid fuck couldn’t even do that. All because it terrified the shit out of me to let my guard down. I’m sure It ate at you and hell, it probably made it the worst part of our relationship to you but, boy do I wish we could go back there despite that. How I wish you could just SEE through my thick walls an KNOW how I feel. Im sure that would have erased any doubt in your head. Can’t blame you at all however. Those are some pretty thick walls.
I have been trying to think as to WHY I loved the west end so much. Why is sticks out so much for me. In all honesty, looking back I’m sure you felt used. Like I was there just to me there till the next thing shows up. I am a terrible person. Why it stuck out? I felt like I existed to you. Felt like I was more then flesh and bones. It was one of the times that I felt like you were TRYING to hear me and TRYING to give me what I want. Most of all you accepted and LOVED who I was. Even the bad parts of me were endearing to you.
All things come to an end. Focus on the good times.
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