So my weekend job is closed tomorrow. No holiday pay. Kid is with dad doing the obligatory egg hunts and prime rib that’s never cooked enough. She’ll come back to me tomorrow, tummy full of chocolate and arms full of presents, cause that’s how dad shows his love.
I had plans. It was going to be amazing. They got canceled this afternoon.
This will be the 2nd Easter I’ve been alone. 2 Christmases, 2 New Year’s, 2 Valentine’s Days.
I wanted this, though. I left a shitty husband so I wouldn’t have to depend on someone, so I wouldn’t be just a maid, a blowup doll, a verbal punching bag. I didn’t have friends when I was married. Now I feel like it’s too late. How do you make friends as a 30-something single mom who works three jobs so she can pay rent? How do you make friends when all the other moms at school make me want to light myself on fire? When my coworkers are either still in high school or act like they are? When I’m too tired and too awkward to even bother with conversation?
There’s an argument going on inside me. On one shoulder, the grumpy angsty “Daria” version of myself says “Fuck ‘em. Get day drunk, watch Netflix and eat a pie by yourself. This is the dream.” But on the other shoulder, the overly romantic pigtailed with braces version of me longs for a group of friends that are constantly hanging out. Like Friends meets Seinfeld.
For now, I’m going to make myself another cup of tea, get too high, and pass out on the couch with my cat.
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