So here I am again. I was so sure I would have remembered to write last night but all I could think about was speaking to my bf about what I had spoke to my sister about (I didn’t yet lol - dumb anxiety haha) and Big Brother Canada that was on at 9:30pm.
So, my lifelong bestie (aka sister) has always been so amazing with understanding what I am talking about and how I feel so I decided to let her in on my anonymous diary… Anything I write here, I am more than comfortable for her to read. If anything, she can give me a little advice by seeing how each day goes :) Shout out to her <3 Love you
Ok, so the conversation about my first post with her went well. I got some feedback from my readers, which I really loved to see.
First thing I looked into was narcissism. Is my boyfriend narcissistic? Am I? Well, honestly, big words are not my thing ((LOL)) so I read a definitions and articles and I could see that both of us have a few characteristics, but I was not really sure… so I went to the best person for these things… BESTIE! She explained that she don’t think that is what is going on and sent a great article about “DEFENSIVENESS”. Boy, did she ever hit the nail on the head. I will link it below for you guys to read too.
I decided to message my bf but I knew he wouldn’t read it. So I said tonight I want you for an hour to talk and I want to read something to you. He said yes babe for sure. Anxiety was eating me up about it so I let it slide until I can wrap my head around how to say things and how to approach him. I really wanna do this right so I think it’s best to wait until my anxiety calms a bit more.
I’ll go more into the background of our relationship another time maybe but we have both put up with a lot of bs from each other and have both been emotionally and mentally abusive. This is what I want us to deal with first. We need to get our compassion back for one another. WE have much work to do but both of us are willing to try as hard as we can, which to me really shows how much we love and appreciate one another.
Article about defensiveness in relationships
Heading out for the day, maybe will return tonight, if not, I’ll try to get back over the weekend. Thank you all for being here :)
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