cant we just love who we love? in battleship in my brain

I grew up in a little town where anything against the social norm was the talk of the town. I never really considered anything but a girl-boy relationship as it’s how I was raised. I have been in 3 longish relationships and don’t get me wrong, they were nice and I guess you could say I loved them but I wasn’t “in love” with them. I have desires for a same sex relationships but I continuously am battling in my head as if I am bisexual or pansexual or as people say… if it’s “just a phase”. Maybe I just don’t know how to love. maybe I am just not capable of it. I make friends so easily and love them all so much but it’s just a void in my heart that I have never been able to fill. I used to be focused on filling that void but since coming to college, I have realized it is just so much easier to do life alone with the emptiness.