Feb. 28 - Finifugal in Posso's Prompts

Finifugal (adj:) hating endings; of someone who tries to avoid or prolong the final moment of a story, relationship, or some other journey.

While I found the concept of trying to develop stories, memories, or just writing based on one word this month challenging, I will be sad to be moving on to the next theme for March. I feel for being the shortest month of the year, it seemed prolonged. It could be because in 28 short days, along with the monotony of working a lot more than normal and staying busy with dates and activities that kept me away from the temptations of drinking socially that I hashed through a lot of past memories, funny moments and harrowing, grief stricken sad histories of failed relationships and extinguished flames. My life was like the Six Flags of autobiographies and poems; rolling up and down like that shitty rickety wooden roller coaster I’d ride in Utah while visiting my grandma in Utah. Valentine’s Day and in that area was sappy and filled with all of the things that emblazoned my love for the last few years. Thought about previous crushes, friendships I’ve fumble-fucked along, what happened to those I’ve grown out of touch with and why that’s happened. Dealt with having cancer once again, feeling alone even surrounded by people I loved, and trying to justify the need to not be cared about or for anymore out of nothing but blind selfishness. Whether writing, talking, thinking about all of the past that I’ve touched upon in the last few months has been healthy and healing? I think so, it’s made me realize that mixed in with all the stupid, funny, obnoxious that I entail, that there’s a compassion and caring for not only the people I surround myself with but that it’s finally reaching my own self. Being sober and self aware has led me to see that I can be comfortable by myself and that I can leave past life behind and keep it only as memories and stories. If anyone knows how The Sopranos ended, amidst a conflict into a black screen with no resolution, that’s not going to be what happens here, with me, and maybe at least I will be able to appreciate that. This might be the end of February but it’s just two short months into a year long journey of thoughts, stories, and general calamity.