Still searching for you... in The unbound memoirs of a cold and lonely warrior

I think day and night about you. I come up with different faces, voices, and memories that haven’t happened yet so that I can come as close to experiencing you as I can. I can’t seem to make any of them fit perfectly, but sometimes I get close. I can’t help but think about you. It’s not an obsession, but more of a fascination. The day that we meet will be a strange one for me. I’ll feel like I had been watching you for a very long time, even though I have never come close. Some people reprimand me for saving myself for you, others congratulate me. None of that matters to me, though. I know that I am waiting for a purpose. I have always been alone. Every moment of my life has been spent with only myself. It will be a scary thing to offer a part of myself to you. That will be new for me. I hope that will make you feel special, because I know that you are. I’ve been searching for you for a long time, my whole life basically. Maybe i’m stunting myself by not settling for anyone else, but I know that it’s within my power to find you. The scariest part is that I have no idea whether you exist or not. I guess I just have high hopes that you do. One thing that is a bit frightening is that I have dreams about you. In these dreams we are often depicted in a sentimental but fun scenario. We might be hanging out at night in a forest while sharing a cigarette, or maybe climbing rooftops of a city during its slumber. The scary thing is that whenever I am able to find you in my dreams, something horrible always happens to you. Usually you die in some tragic accident, and I am left alone without you, just the way I started. Maybe that says more about my fear of sharing myself with someone else. I don’t know. All I know is that you are the most beautiful person I will ever meet. I’ve been waiting for a long time now, and I can wait longer because I know that you are worth it. There is some kind of comfort for me when i’m alone. I feel independent, like no one can tell me what to do, stop me from doing what I want, or hurt me by leaving me alone again.