I have a million things running through my brain today. It’s been super busy at work. All of a sudden, everybody wants me to report on the progress of The Line I Created (TLIC) as well as the status of the new stuff that I developed over the last few months. It’s CRUNCH time as we are now post-sales meeting and the heat is on as it relates to next month’s trade show…there’s so much to do and it doesn’t help that Boss questions my every move asking if I’ve done this or have talked with so-and-so about that....I know, it’s my own doing for still being here. And I do love what I do…I just need to do it somewhere else.
And yet I’m excited about the trade show again this year. It’s always so nice to see the fruits of TLIC and hear all of the amazing things that people have to say about it. Even if it’s not from Boss, I get kudos from the marketplace and that’s just as good and somehow might potentially help me in my continuing search for my next move.
About to head into another meeting, but before I do…
Some thoughts on the stuff that I wrote about wanting to be partnered up are still brewing and bubbling over as well. I appreciate so many notes, thank you.
This seems to happen about every 6 months or so for me. I get really bluesy about not being partnered. I am in that place right now. My heart is just aching and yes I know it’s not easy being a part of a couple, but I also know ME and the fact that I am a better human when I have a partner. I take care of myself and my other. I love to be in love.
And YES! I know that others are unreliable and fallible and human. I don’t want perfection. I just want my imperfect person. I want to feel that feeling of being safe and being home.
I had a date last night with Dr. D. We went to see Green Book, and while it was a wonderful movie and I had a nice time, it wasn’t what I wanted to do (I honestly wanted a cozy night and would have loved to just talk over a glass of whiskey or something), but because there was a tiny bit of text miscommunication, he had gotten us tickets in advance (nice touch), and I had to rush to get there and we barely had time to talk…although we did have time to get a quick drink at the theater bar…
But while we were at the bar, we had one of those bartenders who LOVES to talk - which is fine - but he took up all of our talk time. In fact, our bartender told us about our horoscopes in both Zodiac and Chinese astrology and THEN, when he asked Dr. D what he does for a living and found out that he’s a doctor, he wanted to talk all about his heart condition until it was time for the movie!
Now here’s something that makes my heart flutter: Dr. D was so kind and and gentle with our dear bartender, taking time to explain a few medical things to him and asking about his heart doctor (of course, he knows the guy) and telling him that he was in very good hands with this guy and blah, blah. I am always so impressed by how much Dr. D exudes absolute PASSION for what he does. I mean, he works very long and weird hours and is always, always just so pumped up when he talks about work.
How I could only dream to be in such a position!
So here’s the thing with our good doctor: I’m not feeling it 100% and I think it’s because he’s not feeling it 100%. He’s into me, sure. But I can tell that he’s not INTO-into me, you know? Like, I can tell when a guy wants to be my boyfriend. It’s intense and it’s firey and I can feel the heat.
With Dr. D it feels a bit like a smolder, but definitely not a flame. I don’t mind continuing to see him to see what happens, but I’m not sure I want to stoke this fire or not. I mean, sure…we had as lovely a time as we possibly could at the movies on a school night, but it was not very romantic by any means.
I will say that Dr. D is still gushing about me taking him out for his birthday dinner at [cool-ass fancy restaurant] last week, so I know he was into that, but again, I’m just not feeling a roaring flame.
And maybe it’s good? Maybe we need for this to smolder a bit before it becomes something bigger?
Or maybe it will just slowly fizzle.
Meanwhile, I will continue to Bumble along…maybe get back to Tinder. Or maybe I’ll do something else - something different. I don’t know what that might be, but maybe if I do something differently…
I haven’t heard back from Joe Whoa! from last entry, except that he did text me back only to reiterate that I wasn’t what he had expected (again, without further explanation), so I dropped it and never replied. Pretty sure he got the hint. I keep remembering tidbits of the stories he told me on Wednesday night and continue to be just blown away beyond words, but yeah…super weird!
And The Scot seems to be enjoying his time off but not really doing much of anything during that time except rest…which he NEEDS. I hope he’s getting himself better. Still no word of sending $$$.
OK. Gotta roll. Conference call in 5 mins…
xox,
GS
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