February 16, 2019 in Letters to my Friend

Dear Friend,

I wrote you but you haven’t responded. Well there’s nothing to respond to anyway. I just want to remind myself of the delightful fact that you’re a real person. You’re this sweet, adorable, cute guy. You’re wise, yet childlike. I should stop. I can’t make anything sound good. I should rather just do my work.

Why do I procrastinate so much? Why? All I want to do is to sit down and do work. OK fine. I’ll go out and do all that I have to do, then come back. You know, I just gotta do all that I have to do, including the rosary and exercise. Hence, I’m doing them and getting over with them quickly so I can finally do research work. I’m lucky that I’m not in a relationship right now.

I’m ready to head out the door. To the bank first to deposit a check, and maybe ask about credit cards too. DONE with the depositing. I’m thinking that I’ll be alternating study time and nonsense work time.

I think this is working. I feel like I work up a new productivity hack every week, and then it gets old and I have to invent a new one. I cannot be consistently productive with one method. So sad, but what can I do? I do what I have to do. I have to keep going. Dropping out of this life is not a choice.

Night was semi-productive. If I could just stop being afraid of working hard. How hard would that be? Just work hard all day, and have a long night of sleep! Right now, I am getting less sleep, and operating like a zombie all day.

Alright, fine.

Let’s attempt to change again, shall we? We shall. I’ll work hard all day, using prosebox to help me. And if I fail, well then I pick myself back up and try again. Well I just sat and day dreamed for like 5 minutes. Fail. But it’s OK. Let’s try again. Go put away this bowl (I caved and had a little midnight meal). DONE. Now clean up the kitchen. DONE. Now go brush my teeth. DONE. I’m contemplating staying up until my laundry is done.

You know, I think exercise doesn’t really take up so much of my time. The thing is that, I get home, I feel good, I sit around, and waste my time.

Anyway, Save the Best for Last sung by Jaya is on! YouTube randomly recommended it to me. I haven’t heard this version for so long. It used to give me hope for the guy I used to pine for. No more, though. But I have forgotten this song. Oh yes, I was dreaming of when the snow would come down in June, or when the sun would go around the moon.

I’m off to bed. Not a horrible day, but it really could have been better. Tomorrow I will work on an email for Francisco and the metaphysics presentation.

Love,
Your fangirl.