The start of 2019... in Behind the Mask

I finally got myself a job that pays pretty good and that I actually like. I had over 8 jobs last year and couldn’t hold any of them down due to my anxiety. They were not just jobs but some of them could of turned into careers and had great pay and benefits, but I couldn’t overcome the voices in my head doubting it and telling me to just stay home and go back to bed. 2018 was one of the worst years of my life, but that’s for another entry. On my second day of my new job, I was driving home and my car broke down. That was January 17! I still haven’t been able to get it looked at due to the fact of other bills. Hopefully I am able to get it looked at next Friday, so I can start saving up to fix it. It just sucks, because my life was finally moving in the right direction and BAM! another speed bump to overcome. Luckily, my sister is carpooling with me and letting me use her car, but I hate depending on people and I know I am a burden to her. And due to the fact that I couldn’t hold down a job for more than two weeks last year, I have no tax money coming to help fix it. I seriously don’t think I can fix it until like April, but I haven’t told anyone. It’s hard to get money together when I have to support my parents and pay my bills and some of theirs. I have been just going home and crying for hours on end. The other day, I spent my whole time in the shower crying and wishing I was dead. I hate feeling this way, but I truly don’t think I will every not feel that way. What’s the point of life, anyways? I have no talents, dreams, or anyone in my life that would make it worth living for. That’s how my year is starting out. Yay me!