Either/Or in 2019

Either I break out of the logjam I’m in, or the malaise and inertia is going to do me in. I’m at the point where either I go forward, or I start sliding backwards. The winter thaw we’re experiencing has helped shake some things loose internally, and I feel like now is the time to start taking some little steps forward. Had a great session with Dr. Spencer today, and started feeling out which direction it is I need to be going in, and how I’m going to get there. We talked about Access-VR, and whether the life-long struggle I’ve had with depression qualifies as a “disability’- enough of one at least for me to get my foot in the door for some vocational counseling and whatever services may go along with that. Ironically, I’ve cleaned that Access-VR office for two years now as part of my job duties. When they first moved in my first thought was “Serendipity”, but for some reason until now I haven’t followed through and looked into seeing if there’s anything they can do for me. I think that’s because of my pride mostly. I hate thinking of myself in those terms. But depression has certainly devastated my life and been a huge impediment in my putting together any sort of meaningful employment. It’s worth a shot to see if I qualify for any kind of counseling and services as I try to sort out my employment/education goals and what may actually be possible at this point in my life. Because either I find some sort of reason to keep pushing forward, or I fear I’m going to begin a backslide into darkness and paralysis again.

Last updated February 04, 2019