Clarity in 2019

Time for the next phase. I think I purged out the last of the bitterness and disappointment today. Sometimes you gotta wallow in it to get it out of your system. And then after the wallowing comes some clarity, and you see things thru the prism of reality -rather than thru the filter of magical thinking. People are who they are, not who you want them to be. Sounds pretty obvious, doesn’t it? But that’s the basis for so much strife and unhappiness in this world- expecting another human being to be what YOU want and need them to be, rather than accepting them for who they are. People don’t change and people don’t get “fixed.” Maybe they improve. Maybe they are able to grow into a better version of themselves. But they don’t become different people. And they certainly don’t become the person YOU are foolishly trying to mold them into. It’s equal parts arrogance and naivete, this desire to “change” someone into that one special person that will somehow magically fulfill all your needs. That’s a Hallmark movie, not reality. And I’ve been unable to tamp down the incessant drumbeat of “If Only” that burrows into my train of thought each and every day. “If Only” I do this. “If Only” I say that. “If Only” I can make her see things my way. Until now. I’m finally ready to say goodbye to “If Only”, and see things for what they are. There is a definite pull that magical thinking has on every single one of us, and some are more susceptible to it than others. Being someone who is very much led by his emotions, I am most definitely swayed by the lure of magical thinking. Recognizing that has been both painful and elucidating for me. But today, I think I have finally and completely stepped back out of the looking-glass, and have once again firmly planted both feet back in reality.