Going on 5 months.. in Diary of a Sexually Neglected Housewife

I’ve officially reached the mark of almost 5 months and my husband has only touched me once. For my back story I should tell you we’ve been together 5 years now and less than 2 married. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a great man and very good to me, however our sex life has turned to virtually non existent. I’ve done the merry go round of begging, of trying to talk to him, of trying to spice things up. During one talk he made mention that my weight had become a problem but keep in mind, I’ve always been a thick and curvy woman. I tried losing weight and that still didn’t seem to do much, I’ve tried sexy clothes, dirty pictures, kinky sex and still I get told no in some form. I lost my job last year due to depression issues and no they don’t actually pertain to my sex life but other causes. I know our financial situation has a little to do with it as stress can be very hard on any relationship, but to be fair, our issues in the bedroom started before I lost my job. Several months ago I had reached the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve always been an extremely sexual person which he knew so I ventured into the online world of sex sites posting my dirty pictures and videos to help release some of my built up tension. I keep most personal details off of them of course but it did help to see I’m sexually desirable and maybe it’s not just me. A few weeks ago a friend from this site introduced me to the world of online camming and I feel I finally found a community that understands my desires and dirty naughty side that he just doesn’t want to. I very much struggle with trying to be the good wife but also embracing who I am. I want to tell him but I know he’ll never ever understand. I never lied about who I was or that I enjoyed sex so much when I met him so I don’t feel as he should truly be surprised by any of it. It’s so hard to be struggling with faithfulness when your own husband rejects you at every turn. I know I’m talking in circles but this is such a struggle for me and it’s causing me so much anxiety as of late. This was just a quick intro and if anyone reads this, thank you! I’ve had a lot of advice ranging from stick it out and deal with it to it’s not fair for him to withhold the physical side to just leave. I feel like I’m losing my mind and it’s a major struggle for me everyday as I’m also trying to focus on my full time school load now as well. That’s all for today…