I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. I wish that I didn’t worry so much about what mom + dad would do if I was gone. I wish I could end the pain + embarrassment + shame.
I know that God has a plan, but I am so struggling in the meantime to keep my faith steady. This is the first time over really considered taking action, and it’s scary.
But no one cares enough to notice, or cares enough to help. Not even J, when she was the initial trigger.
I’m questioning my relationship w/ her. She’s been an amazing force in my life, but has also caused pain.
I know that I love her more than she loves me. I know that I value her more than she values me. I know that I rely on her more than she relies on me. I KNOW that I am holding her back. I know she prefers other friends, + I don’t want to stand in the way.
Maybe everyone would benefit if I just disappeared.
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