January 18th in Posso's Prompts

Is there a recent time where you set out to do something you thought you could and ‘ate a piece of humble pie?’

I had just finished what would be the first of two rounds of cancer treatment in 2018. Kylie had broken up with me. I was in a tail spin of self destruction, drinking and just thoroughly not giving a fuck about my self being at that point in life. One thing was for sure though; I wanted to start playing hockey in a semi-competitive sense again. I finally didn’t feel emotionally and physically drained by life and my surroundings and I was going to show everyone that at 32/33 that I could still lace up my skates and trail a puck into the boards.

My friend Jeff was practicing with a league in the fall and said, ‘Hey Posso, I know you’re trying to get back into it and these guys are a good group of people, it’ll be fun. Just make sure you wear a full set of pads, they like to shoot hard, and some of us check.”
FUCK YES, I thought. What better way to take out my frustration at being an asshat in my personal relations and cope with my shitty behavior than to hit someone and have them be fully padded to take a blow?

I had been eating up all the available free skate time I could at all the local ice arenas; it was fall here and still 55 degrees and I wasn’t about to bide my time and wait for the lakes to freeze and for them to spray down Tenney Park (its January 18th and they still don’t have a rink up which I have never seen in the 15 years I’ve been in Madison.) I’d pay my $5 and take my skates and knee pads and skate for 2-3 hours and work on being able to side stop and actually do backwards crossovers without falling. The day came and I met my friend at Hartmeyer for their free practice. Jeff comes up to me and before we go in he goes, “Hey man, I hope this isn’t a problem for you but a lot of these guys, they play on the Madison Gay Hockey League.”
‘Hell, no. I don’t give two shits about their sexual preference. I just want to be able to hit,’ I said.
Not much was said as I was lacing up my skates and closely being watched to see how I was going to react in front of everyone.
‘Don’t worry. I’m shy at first but once you ride me into a corner I’ll loosen up,’ I joked.
The joke went well.

Teams were chosen and I was on the second line, so I sat on the bench for a minute and talked to a few people about past hockey experiences, why I was angry and wanting to play, and all that until it came time for me finally bless the ice with my charismatic appearance.
As I leaped over the boards with the grace of that like a miniature pony trying to hurdle a gate to only miss and trip itself up, I fumble-fuck-stumbled my way on my skates towards the corner boards where a breakaway had just been prevented. After the laughable occurrence that just prevailed from getting on the ice, I sure as fuck was not going to make an embarrassment of myself skating into the corner and getting the puck out. As I stuck my head down and hunched over, breaking more rules of the ‘what not to do in case you get hit from behind while you’re in a corner,’ I can slowly yet surely feel what I would soon find out to be the body of a man that was at least 6‘4’‘ and 260 pounds rush me from the back and with precision take my breezer padded ass into the boards and drop me with full force on the small of my back. My helmet bounced off of the ice and my skates were over my face shield.
He comes to a complete stop after he hears the wind leave my lungs and skates over me and said “SORRY HON!” Then with a little giggle skated away to what ended up being a score on the other end of the ice.

I did not get up from that for about a good 45 seconds and skated towards the bench while about 20 grown men were howling with laughter. Luckily I redeemed myself with a slap shot score about 10 minutes later, but a couple of the guys came to check on me this winter during the second part of my treatment and we got to laugh about it every time. They even bought me a customized Blackhawks jersey for Christmas. They printed “Mumble Princess” on the back.