Happy Hump Day!
At work. Just had a long meeting first thing this morning with my team and Brown Nosey (who is now the director of the “support” organization that’s meant to help me with my job). I do have to say that BN is pretty damn good at what she does - it’s just that she’s a fucking tattletail and I don’t trust her! She works for my boss now and so we can kind of commiserate, but it’s just weird. I refer to her as my “Frienemy” when I discuss with the Scot so that he understands who I’m referencing, and I suppose she is…kind of a friend in the tiniest of ways (we are friends on FB and Insta and ‘like’ each other’s posts occasionally), but man…I always think she’s out to get me in trouble!
So, so, SO fucking much to do. Do you remember how I was last year around this time? Probably not, so I’ll tell you…I was frantic to get a line developed (TLIC, or The Line I Created) and get it to market. Now it’s more of the same, but this is the follow-up! TLIC has sold in close to $1M in the first year and now I have to double that and then some!
And the thing is…do you even realize that Boss has not yet met with me on my 45-day PIP plan since before Thanksgiving? That means…my 45-day plan is now going on day 68 and counting…and I don’t even have a status? Like, I’m walking around thinking I could be fired at any moment! But at the same time I’m pretending like nothing is wrong. This is totally unacceptable and yet I’m accepting it - and working - and (thankfully) collecting a good paycheck. I even asked someone’s advice if I should get HR involved in this situation, and they recommended against it so that I don’t bring attention to this issue! What do you think of that?
Anyway. Werk schmerk. What else is new?
The Scot and I are back to our Regular Texting Schedule, whatever that means. Well, it means that all we do is text and because of our work schedules and the time difference, we don’t even text that much. We are back to FaceTime on the weekends and…ugh…I don’t know, y’all. It’s like having a long-distance boyfriend that I don’t get to see often enough. I don’t know/think that I can keep this up. I’ve started to poke back around on Bumble. I’m not going back on Tinder yet because that’s how the Scot and I met. And even though it’s kind of like I’m sneaking around behind his back, I’m not really because we don’t have that commitment yet. The both of us are free to do whatever we want, quite frankly. I don’t really like this much.
Still, he says he’s coming to visit me for a WEEK at the end of February/first of March. I suppose that’s fine, but it’s also during a super busy time of year for me, so I don’t know how much time I might be able to take off. I can’t even gage it right now! And yeah, it will be nice to have him here in my world, I am still not absolutely sure how I feel about it all.
And then, there’s the topic of money…which he doesn’t have much of. You don’t know this part from our trip together, but he “lost” his credit card on the last night of our trip and told me that’s how he was going to split the room bill with me. The topic hasn’t come back up, so as of right now, I’ve paid the whole bill. I’m not hurting for the cash, mind you…but I think he would be.
But it’s not just that. He’s told me many times that he’s “broke”, whatever that means. So…how is he going to come visit, let alone pay for his portion of the hotel bill from January? On top of that, a relationship would require multiple trips back and forth, and how would a broke person finance that?
I mean, I suppose that we could keep a casual thing going and I could go back to Scotland in a few months and then maybe we could meet up a couple of times a year (if that), but that’s not a fulfilling, sustaining boyfriend/girlfriend situation, now is it?
If I really think about it and put it down on paper as I’m doing here, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it? Sure, he’s handsome and wonderful and hilarious and he worked my body over quite nicely, but what does it all mean at the end of the day? When all I really want in my life is a partner who I can go home to and who has my back through thick and thin?
Just some points to ponder before lunch. Gotta run for now…lunch appointment!
xox,
GS
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