death’s around the corner... in Lost..

So I still dont really know how this works yet, but I just needed something to express my thoughts & I figured this would be a good way to start.. For now at least.. Anyways, SUICIDE !!!! That is whats been on my mind. I’d be lying if I say I just started thinking about it cause I’ve always thought of it for years.. Just never actually did it or knew how I’d do it , but this time I think I know.. For the past 2-3 days I’ve been looking up ways to kill myself.. least painful , but fast. Then I thought how would I really do it & where.. So I think I found my drug of choice.. I’ll probably overdose on some pills.. I hate pills, but one in particular I’ve grown fond of over the last 3-4 months.. I wont say the name, but I must say since I’ve met her I truly have fell in love.. I love the way she makes me feel so carefree, feels like I’m floating in the sky on top of clouds & I dont ever ever want to come down.. Of course I only pop half & save the other half for another day, but this time.. well not in this exact moment, but soon I’ll do a few. It’s crazy because I really have sat & contemplated my suicide. Doesnt have to be perfect but I want to feel good doing it. & So I’ve researched everything I think I need to know. The pros & cons you can say. I mean I dont even know if it’ll really kill me, might just end up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped but it’s worth a try.. It’s sad no one around me realizes I really dont want to be here anymore, life I mean. I’m tired of living, even though I’ve barely lived. People say if you kill yourself you’re a coward but I think you’ve got to have pretty fucking big balls to take your own life so fuck what they think.. There’s only 1 person whose been stopping me from making this decision for so long but they’ll just have to understand outside looking in.. I just dont want to be here anymore, I dont think I can be.. They say it gets greater later but my entire life , nothings changed & truth be told I’m just so tired of it all.. & I want it to end.. So in a week or 2 from now, hopefully I wont be here anymore & I will cease to exist.. It’s been real tho✌🏾