12/6/18 - 8:34 PM in What is Wrong with me? Do I have issues?

It feels like every time my fiance and I fight I end up always having these thoughts he may be out there with someone else. Maybe it’s because the way I have been treated in the past.
Quick story, at the age of 5 I was molested by my mothers husband not my dad, my dad and my mom got divorced and remarried. We moved to where he was staying in Oshawa where it was his brother, his father and himself…i think his mom passed away when he was younger. I did have to share a room with my mother and her new husband it was disgusting, I remember hearing everything at night and try to block it out. One day him and my mother went downstairs to do laundry, we were in an apartment and his brother decides to make me strip and then touch me. I would have to stay in my room all day locked up until my mom came home. When learning how to swim my mothers new husband began to touch me in ways I didn’t feel comfortable every time i screamed for my mom he would pull me under water when i finally got a chance to tell her she did nothing until it was too late. Eventually she ended up divorcing him when I was maybe 10 years old I would say, but the fact is it took her so long. My mom has always put everyone before me and acted more like a friend than a mother.
As I got older of course I dated, but one I will never forget… when you first date it’s the most greatest feeling. You like him , he likes you and it makes you feel that he’s perfect (if you’re a virgin that is) as we went out on a date we did have a fight and he banged my head on the wall, I thought it was an accident so I didn’t take that as anything but as it got further in to the relationship and he took the most precious thing I had, all the abuse started the lies the cheating the hitting and punching. He would even hit me if I didn’t do what he wanted, I became so afraid of him when he hit me in public an officer came up to me, you would think I would report it but nope I didn’t.
I’m starting to think maybe this is what is making me have these thoughts, making me not trust my fiance as much. Deep down I know he won’t do anything behind my back my heart says no but my head says yes. I don’t know what to do. How do I make all of this go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!