Real talk about fear in Reflection and Release

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions you’ll ever come across in life. It manifests itself in so many different situations and can turn your life into something you don’t recognize. Fear has stopped me from reaching a certain level of growth for many years now. I deal with it a lot more analytically through daily meditations and mantras that reinforce to my subconscious. Sometimes there are those regretful moments of the past that you can’t let go of due to the high amount of fear involved.

The one that affects me the most at this point is a moment at work I shared with my coworker that I’ll probably never forget. Looking back, my actions are embarrassing to say the least. We liked each other so much and when I made my move she was more than ready. Then my insecurity of not knowing how to proceed lead me to ask another coworker how to handle it and wow that was horrible advice. Not because of the content of it but the context of the situation. I was looking for long term success meanwhile I used a short term form of thinking for minimal gain. I should have stood my ground and continued what was working for me but uncertainty, and frankly her beauty, showed me how much I still have to learn. I think about it more often than I should and that just leaves me with a notion that all I know how to do is mess up a good thing with women. I feared that I wasn’t good enough even though being me is how I got to this point with her (self esteem trumps logic 100% of the time). Fear caused me to not even talk about it the next time I saw her. Fear caused me to leave with a bad taste in our mouths. Fear caused me to not reach out for over a year. Fear caused me to treat someone new later that year and disappear at the first sign of commitment. Fear would cause me, if I ran into her, to completely avoid that interaction. Fear causes me to have little faith in my future love life.

This could all be cured though with new experiences and making different choices that I wouldn’t have made previously. I’ll make an effort to move in that direction going forward so that the past doesn’t have as much of an effect on me. First step is awareness of the problem, then doing your best to solve the problem, then accepting the outcome knowing you did all you could within the parts of life that you can control.

Last updated December 08, 2018