Lonely at 4AM. in The life of one lonely girl

So I am a twenty something young girl trying to figure out what life really is after moving out of my parent’s and getting a job in the city. Let me explain as to what my life has come to. I’m sure we all have our own share of bad choices from the past. But when there was an absence of mutual feelings and consent, doesn’t that just flip your world upside down? Yes, I went through it for 3 long years of my life. My prime teen years 17-19 were the worst time of my life so far. Some bad decisions might alter our habits, lifestyles, future choices etc. But what would one do if the past keeps haunting even after 5 long years? However, I was lucky enough to find true love right after the dreaded three years. Everything with him felt right from the beginning. Our first kiss was out of the world. The type of kisses that one can only find in novels and movies. He is still the love of my life and it has been two years since I’ve been with him. Now the title of this entry must surprise you. Why am I lonely at 4AM you ask? I’ve rented my own house which is two streets away from my S/O’s house. And I’m vacating this place in briefly one week. I am shifting due to a lot of negativity found in this house. This house is haunted for sure. Anyways, my boyfriend is leaving the country to persue his studies at New Zealand this Feb. And we are going to commence a long distance relationship very soon. The reason I’m lonely atm is because, our relationship has reached a point where we only meet up when he wants to. I’m really worried as he is leaving in another 2 months, and I really want to spend time with him, as I’m going to miss him so much. My texts are usually left unread. He shows little/ no interest in the things I show him. I’m scared to lose him in my life as he’s a really nice guy. I shut myself down and don’t show it to him whenever he hurts me because he looks at meeting me as a ‘task’. I just want him to know that my feelings are hurt and I no longer want to show him as I’m sure he wouldn’t take it seriously. I’ve never fallen so hard for someone, and that is what is stopping me. I only eat once in a day. I don’t sleep at all. I’m losing my mind over this. He hardly makes me feel special, but that is somethng I’ve learnt to accept ever since the beginning. Not all of us turn out to be lucky I suppose. He is a little selfish when it comes to taking decisions and me on the contrary am the opposite. He literally is the nicest guy I’ve ever met and someday would hope to marry him.