NJM18 - 5: On Fresh Starts - Is This How They Start? in These Foolish Things

  • Nov. 6, 2018, 3:28 a.m.
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Not much to say today. It was Monday. Is Monday. Kind of a shit day…or really, more of a blah day…starting with the 4:30am workout. I couldn’t seem to get it going today. But of course I did. I ended up working out VERY hard, but my heart rate monitor did not show it. So frustrating. Not sure what it was - they say that so many factors affect your heart rate. I suppose I had ALL of the factors this morning.

Work was another story. Boss assigning me shit that has NOTHING to do with what he says I’m supposed to be doing. I felt a bit like his secretary today. And he has me swirling - like I can’t concentrate on what I need to be doing (which is finding another job - heh).

And The Scot just keeps me so enthralled I actually applied for a job in the UK today! Don’t know how far sending my resume through Indeed will get me, but I don’t care. I need momentum!!

I also need to send out about 500 more…

Today I also had a flash of I-Can-Do-Whatever-the-Fuck-I-Want! And that was a good feeling….fleeting, but good.

I’d really love fresh start. I’d love to just say fuck it all and start something completely shiny and new. Like, maybe even in a different country. I hadn’t really considered it before but it’s sounding really tempting lately - especially in this fucking political climate here in the US. Having someone far away sending me the most beautiful texts I’ve ever received doesn’t hurt to push that feeling along. You know?

Whelp. I’m SUPER boring tonight and also very, very tired for some reason. I need to sleep on all of this.

Until tomorrow…

xox,
GS


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