The beginning in Thoughts out loud

How to start? That’s the question you ask yourself when you sit down to write a book. You just do and hope that something will show up. It’s the hardest thing to do, isn’t it? To start. It’s especially challenging to write about yourself. It’s vulnerable to show your life as it is with no veil of beautiful lies and pretense. But I feel that it might help someone who was in the same situations as me and has a similar experience. Or just anyone really, because no matter what life you are living we all encounter the same struggles here on planet Earth.
I grew up in a small city in the central part of Russia (or rather mid-western). As long as I can remember, it was always a quiet city on the banks of the river Vyatka. Though, the seeming low-key lifestyle of its citizens was also accompanied by youth taking drugs here and there. And being quite bold about that, by leaving the evidence of their usage all around the city. When I was little and was playing with my friends outside, I often saw needles and injectors lying on the pavement and grass.
My childhood memories consist of a few sparks scattered over several year period. There are good and bad. There are certain memories I wish were erased from my memory or rather from some Earth’s archives, if it were to exist. Imagine if every event of everyone who has ever lived on Earth was written or recorded in some manner somewhere. I wouldn’t be able to look at mine without feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. But anyway, what happened happened. You cannot take it back. Maybe because it is right in the end, to make all the mistake you could possibly make in order to learn how to do it right.
So, no matter how painful or traumatic your past experience was, it was there for you to learn something. Therefore, the question arises: what’s the point of worrying and fear if no matter what happens in your life there is something good and useful you can take from it. For me it’s very easy to understand and agree to such ideas, but embracing them in your body is a completely different thing.
A few days ago, I had a thought that life is like school, it teaches you the same lesson over and over again until you learn it well enough. Life is like a teacher who gives you more tasks on those subjects that you are struggling with.
If you can look at your life from this perspective, you are released from the pressure of trying to be perfect and keep up with somebody’s approval of you and what you do. You are just living your life and learn from your mistakes which allow for future growth and improvement.
Hopefully, someday I will be able to rememeber it when faced with challenges and follow through.