I had a weird weekend. I don't know how else to describe it. Friday was absolutely ridiculous. I spent most of the day trying not to think about how two years ago I ran into you .. and her.. on valentine's day at the only bar that would let me in underaged. I think about it all the time, why you decided on THAT bar for your valentine's date with her. Really though, of all the bars, in fremont, beltown, ballard, even on the hill, you chose that one. MY bar. The bar you told me you only ever went to because you knew you'd see me there. So I spent friday trying not to think about you. And it wasn't that hard, until it was.
I ended up bringing some guy home. He was a friend of this guy my friend is hooking up with and he was cute. Guitar player, artsy, looked like Conor Oberst.. he was totally my type and it was the first time in a long time I've been actually attracted to someone who's not Tyson. We walked back to my apartment, I cleaned up the best I could while he used the bathroom. I gave him a "tour" of my studio, and he lingered in the kitchen looking at the photos on my refrigerator, and I thought of the black and white picture of Tys and I that used to be there. I was disappointed for some reason that it wasn't there for this guy to see. After a lot of small talk I stood up off the bed and undressed down to my bra and underwear. He was, obviously, into it but it took him a while to undress. He kept making comments about his hairy legs or whatever. He was insecure. It was unattractive. He finally made his move but after about five minutes in I was just over it. I all of the sudden couldn't get Tyson out of my head. I wanted it to be his hands grabbing at me and his mouth on mine. This guy is the first guy besides Tyson I've had in bed with me since I've moved into this apartment, since I moved to Seattle. Tyson is the only guy in this whole damn city who's slept with me. This guy didn't make it that far. He was drunk and probably nervous, and just couldn't stay hard. Which was a relief to me because I was unprepared to make the whole "I'm sorry I can't do this" speech. He had been trying to overcompensate by going down on me for EVER and like I said it was fun for about five minutes and then it was just sad.. I stopped him and got up to the bathroom and it felt weird walking naked in the dark the way I used to, before I'd crawl back in bed to fall asleep next to tys, knowing that there was a stranger waiting for my return. He was disconcerted and embarrassed and kept apologizing, asking me not to hold it against him. I didn't care. I just wanted him to leave.. Like, I really, really wanted him to leave. So I said "I should probably go to bed.. I have work tomorrow." So he starts getting under the covers.. I wasn't getting out of this one. So I tried to avoid the cuddling and the kissing but it was hard. I just kept asking "don't you have to go get your car?" He'd mentioned that he had to move it by six am so I was really banking on that but he was just not taking the hints. So I rolled over, as far from him as I could and I stared at the white wall and silently cried. It was honestly the most pathetic thing I've ever had happen to me, and I NEVER, never thought I'd be that girl.. But I couldn't help it. There's something so sad about having the wrong guy in bed next to you. And not the wrong guy as in the bad news, trouble guy. The wrong guy as in not the guy you really want.
Once in a while he would kiss my shoulders, or back and grab at my ass to try to re-initiate things and I just shrugged further away and kept repeating, "what about your car?" "don't you have to get your car?" He finally left at 7:30 am when he probably couldn't ignore the fact that I was practically up against the wall trying to avoid his touch. He asked for my number and kissed me twice on his way out.
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