Well, My life is no different than others. Same problems. But the message from my lover hurt the most. “I am proposed”
For now, I really don’t know it is a true thing or not. I really it is not true. Coz I really love her more than anything. I really want her and cannot think anyone else in my life. My life sucks start from the beginning. From the moment I born as a first kid. I am dark skinned, which only one among my siblings. Which is a thing in my culture and society. At least in my home. I don’t think they hate me because I am dark. But they mock me for it. Some time in front of other family members, It is kinda funny by the way, but it hurts me a bit. Who knows maybe it is the reason I have low self-esteem. I still remember during my childhood I used to wear a colorful laced shoe. I really loved it. I used to dance with them, not in front of my dad who is really against those things. One day My mom and uncles told me to dance in front of him and dance it. I still think I danced very well that day. The moment I finished dancing he told me to don’t do this in front everyone. From that day I kinda scared to speak him or ask the things I like.
My mom is a short-tempered person. She will shout on the road. I still remember that day. One of my uncles gave me his clothes. Which is big for me. But I didn’t think it through. I wear it to a class. Like, everyone, I want to look handsome :) but When I walking to the class, I saw the dress are very big to me and I looked very funny. Then I ran to my home through a forest coz I don’t want anyone to make fun of me in the street. When I reached home, She asked me why I didn’t go to the class. I think there are a few of my neighbors with her. I didn’t tell her the reason in front of them. Still came and took my books and throw it to the street. I still remember the way that book flew. I cried but not in front of everyone.
There is a small store used to have in our home which is backside and for some reason, no one will visit there. So I go to that room to cry. :)
And Yeah, I graduated from my undergraduate school. A few months ago to that, I started to work on my own and earn some good amount of money. My parents are not educated and I really happy to make them proud. I went to graduation with them, I spent the money. When I walked down with that thing I was really happy. During the function, one of my close friend sits like two-three raw away, I called from my phone to come and sit beside me. We made some jokes and I laughed when I talk with him. My mobile phone has a fucked up camera. It is not clear. I didn’t take any pic from that. My friend had Iphone X. After the function, I walked out with him and took some pics with his phone. My phone was in silent mode. I thought my parents will go to the parking. When I took my phone there are 12 missed calls from my dad. I called back him, The moment he answers he started to scold in bad words. I just shocked coz there are thousands of people. I quickly went to them. The people who are next to them just looked at me like in worry. I got it, they heard the words that my dads told me from that call. All this within the hour that I felt that happiness and relief like never before. It is just broke my heart, and My eye starts to watering. and top of that there is a girl who walked beside me which I didn’t notice. My dad thought I am having a relationship with her and asked me who is that. Weirdly that girl was near me during the graduation. I didn’t even look at her. My dad knows that I love another girl. It is another fucked up story of my life. I just went to give my overcoat and everything and I just walked to the Van while crying. I cried for like 3 hours. Sadness is I don’t have anyone to share this sadness of my life.
It takes a fucking gut to make a suicide decision, I really trying to cut myself now, but I don’t have a gut to do it. I used to think them as idiots who cut their self. But here I am trying the same thing. I cannot bare these feelings, that’s why I am trying to hurt me physically. There are thousands of stories in my life. Few of them are my faults too. Its getting late to my bus.
I am wishing you to have a great day and life. Thanks for reading. Please be happy. Dont feel sad.
Sorry for my bad English, I am really sad now. I didn’t check for any grammar mistakes.
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