Some Back Story in Well See How This Goes

We’ll start with my wife. This is my second marriage. There’s no way to tell the story of my current marriage without going back to my first marriage.

My first wife and I met in college (will refer to her as C). She was the roommate of my girlfriend at the time (will refer to then girlfriend as A). A was my first real girlfriend and was also the first woman I ever had sex with. Looking back she was also the first person I was ever in love with. Because my roommates in college were the absolute worst I didn’t spend much time in my apartment. C and I had a lot in common and got a long really well. We were always just friends but because A had a job she was gone a lot at night. So I would hang out with C and her friend. A didn’t not like this and thought something more was going on with me and C. Anyways skipping ahead. A and I both left the college we were at at the same time. She wanted to go to a different school and I was going to move out west to go to school and live with a sibling. Things did not last with me and A, and also with me living with me sibling. But C and I stayed in contact and when I moved back home we started hanging out and then something did happen and we became a couple.

It was a 2 hour long distance relationship for the first 9 months or our relationship and then C graduated college and we moved in together. We then lived together for 5 years before getting married. This is the point where I did things that would causes our marriage to end 7 years later.

I met my current wife (Will refer to her as B) a few months before I married C. We were working together stocking shelves at a Target. There is an 8 and a half year gap in our ages. When something started between us she was 19 and I was 27. We had an affair shortly after me and C got married. There is no spin to put on it to make it what I did to C no horrible. The affair didn’t last that long, but the damage it caused would affect the rest of mine and C marriage. I was never a good husband to C. B and stayed in touch on and off throughout mine and C marriage. We became friend who mostly just emailed each other. I defiantly had feeling for B, and she did for me too, but we didn’t act on them. B got married and C and I bought a house and moved on with our marriage.

Then about three years later I would have another affair with my boss. It wasn’t the same as the affair I had with B. I had no feeling for my boss. I didn’t want to have the affair but also have no good reason why it happened. It again didn’t last for that long. C found out and I moved out for awhile. We eventually reconciled and moved on and 4 years later we had a baby.

Having a baby takes whatever problems you have in a relationship and magnifies them. I’m not blaming having a kid for C and my marriage unraveling. We were already pretty damaged from the affairs and lack of trust, and we just were never good at being a couple. We were great at being friends but we couldn’t face our problems as a couple. So 6 months after our son was born B and I had our second affair and again it did not last very long. Turns out I’m pretty bad at having affairs. Which is good because affairs are the worst. They are exciting for about a second and then they are just constant anxiety, fear and worry.

This was the end for C and I’s relationship. I think she wanted to work it out or try to again. But I didn’t want to keep hurting her and I felt like I had damaged our marriage so much that it couldn’t be repaired. Trust is a hard thing to get back and when you break someones trust multiple times you probably don’t deserve to have it back. So we got a divorce and I moved in with B.

B had an apartment and I did no make enough to love on my own. B’s marriage also ended at the same time. Her marriage was never a happy one and she was happy to be out of it. I wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship after my marriage. I loved my wife and we were together for 14 years. So I needed time to get over that. B waited for me to deal with it and we did become a couple and once we did things moved pretty fast.

I think because of our beginnings and our history no many people expected us to last very long once we became a couple. B bought a house and we moved into it together and then we decided to try to have a kid and then we got married. So we didn’t really do things in order and I’m sure some people thought we got married because she was pregnant.

B and I have now been married for three and a half years. We have a three year old son together and have joint custody with C for our other son. G is my son from my first marriage and his reality has always been that he has two houses and two moms. He splits his time pretty evenly between here and at his my ex wife’s house. I have him a little more often because I have him when his mom is at work when he gets out of school and in the summer.

C and I our now basically two strangers who have a kid together. We get along when G is around. We have a lot of disagreements about pretty much anything, but don’t let G see any of that. It would be nice to try and be friends again but I think so much damage has been done that that is probably never going to happen. So we just most have a working indifference with each other.

B and I have gotten to a good place in our relationship. Not saying its perfect but recently we had become much better at talking to each about things and being open with each other about things. I love my wife very much. She is my best friend and we get each other more than anyone one else seems to get us.

If I could somehow go back and undo the hurt that happened to other and have me and B get together another way I would in a second, but I can’t. Our history is our history and we can’t change it, but I think it has made us who we are now and made us closer as a couple. We are aware of the mistakes we made in our past relationships and I think it makes us try harder to make sure we don’t make those same mistakes again.

Last updated October 17, 2018