um. shock. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

oh wow. so my sister called 20 mins. ago. she was of course understandably upset. one of the first things she said was i’t’s so sad’. it is. but ya know. it’s not a tragedy. Pat’s leaving was. The reason i’m so optimistic about this is cause i should be there for her. and also i’m in shock. it doesn’t feel real. it’s like no tom. i’ll wake up and everything will go back to the way it was. shock saves us and we’re lucky to be in it. I remember like. the wk. after Pat went looking back i’m surprised i went to karaoke. yes bc i was in shock. also i’m really good at avoiding things. i was devestated though so incredibly. when he.......you know. and then like. a month prior my ex and i broke up, so. No matter how much time we have w/ someone we’re always going to want more. and i think a lot of people myself included are like ‘oh if only i’d done this’ or ‘if only i’d said this’.

yeah but even if we had done/said those things the outcome might not have changed.