I'm beginning to come to a full understanding of why I haven't begin to emotional invest in my marriage. The reason lies in many different layers, but one that runs over the most is the very one that keeps me away. Which happens to be the fact flat that I can't read him; half of the time I don't know if he is happy, worried or upset about something. It's really unsettling, because it makes me feel as if I have to tip toe around him because I don"t know if I have upset him or what-not. However in all honesty I feel as if all I do is upset him, because he has this little tick from which he sighs and shakes his head after every little thing that I do. I ask him if everything is alright, (hinting to him to tell me if I have done something wrong), but he says no and looks the other way.
. Further more other layer that keeps me away is the very fact that he treats me like his child and not his wife. He likes to keep me in the dark about everything and likes to make decisions without me, or leaves me on my own to make a decision ( He calls it trying to protect me) Bullshit! We are suppost to be a team, not father and child or whatever the fuck else. It's so degrading because I was very independent before I married him, I had my own money, apt, job i was going to school. (Shit he never had) Now I'm some fucking house wife who has to wait by the door for her husband to come home! In the mean time I feel as if I'm getting nowhere in my career, just fucking sitting here waiting for someone to call so I can beginning working in very field I spent the last year going to school for. I feel so fucking powerless man, and my clock is ticking down fast which may cause me to take some very drastic steps.
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