I am not sure who I am writing this to or why I do so. But I did it anyway. I am not a native English speaker but I feel better when I am writing in English. In fact, I am not sure if I can use any other language to do so anymore. So to anyone who interested to read this, please bear with me if you sometimes cannot understand what I mean or seeing some obvious grammar mistakes. But you have my words, every sentence here is from my genuine heart with all my truthfully emotions.
I watched the two little birds, who are frightened, helpless, or even full of pain. They are scared because of me, who have a truthful heart and trying to help. But of course, they don’t understand and resist. “They won’t be such animal if they understand,” she said, with a pity and mocking tone. “Of course, only if they can understand,” I said.
There is nothing I can do really, each time when I try to clean their cage, picking them up to someplace where have a better view, or fill their plate, they showed me this scared face, shake their body, open their mouth and take heavy breathing. It pains me that every time when I have to pick them up for instance, since the last time, one of them, broke his wing when trying to escape from my grasp when he was still a baby bird.
Since then, every time when I try to pick them up, I asked my self, did I really did the right thing, to take them in and feed them, when I first discovered that they were “abandoned” by their parents, should I just “let the nature take its course” which was a phrase I learn from the animal help center. Now here I am, they were in their juvenile states according to the wiki. Yet they don’t know how to fly, they don’t know how to speak, and they can barely walk because of lack of calcium. This reminds of Genie or whatever the name is I learned from my professor’s lecture, who is a girl who was abused and prisoned since the day she was born when she was later rescued, she cannot speak, or behave like a normal person. And she was never recovered.
Birds are always drawn to the blue sky, someday, they will fly. That’s one of the quest quotes I heard from the movie. It inspires me when I was a child but not sure if that’s true anymore. They are not interested in the sky, once I took them to the backyard. They took a few peaks and stopped, they are more interested in me, they want to know if there will be more pain or frightening event caused by me. Although again and again, I never intended to do so. This again makes me think, is it too late, just like Genie, like the calcium level in their bone, that can never be normal again.
“They are stupid, can’t see through that I was actually helping them, this can all be avoided and have a better result” I always saying those things when I am cleaning their cage or filling the feeder, while they are all scared and trying to run. I sometimes start to laugh and then cry, because it reminds me, myself.
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