August 6th 2018, I was trying to get comfortable so I could go to bed but my back was so painful I was having trouble sleeping, I tried my side, my back, my stomach and nothing seemed to ease the discomfort.
I tried all the tricks I knew, as I have never had a great back so back pain is not something I’m new to but again, nothing seemed to work. Hours passed by as I tried more things and new things, my pain just increased. Finally I thought, “Hey what if I laid down on the hardwood floor and tried to see if my back would relax that way.” I knew right away I had made a HUGE mistake, I couldn’t get myself up off the floor without pain from my sciatica shooting across my lower back and down the back of both legs.
I yelled for my husband, who was sleeping and he came out and asked what I was doing on the living room floor, I immediately burst into tears and told him, “Something is wrong, this isn’t right. This pain is excruciating. We either need to call an ambulance or you need to help me up and take me to the hospital”.
Aug 7th, 2018 around 8:45am, We made our way to the hospital, and they got me into a room. Asked me to change into a gown, pee in a cup etc. After about 10 mins the nurse comes in and asks where the pain was, doctor came in shortly after and the nurse relayed what I had said. He says, “I think you have a spinal infection and we need to get it treated as quickly as possible and find out how far gone it is. I also wanted to ask you if you know when your last period was? As your urine test had a positive indicator on the pregnancy test”.
I was floored, completely and utterly shocked! But it was the last of my worries as in the hour I had been in hospital my pain had rapidly increased, I was now at the point where I couldn’t walk, couldn’t pull myself up, my mobility was nearly 80% gone. A doctor I’ll call Dr. T came in and introduced himself as the “infectious disease doctor”, he told me he would be taking over my case, sent me for countless tests, did an ultrasound on the baby, I was 8 weeks along & a clear heartbeat could be seen.
By 5pm I was in so much pain I wouldn’t even let anyone touch me, anywhere. It felt like my whole body was vibrating with pain, every nerve ending in my body was on overdrive. Every movement caused shooting pain in my back and legs, even the nurse using the controls on the bed caused pain, it didn’t matter if I moved under my own weight or someone or something helped me move. EVERYTHING caused pain, Then the doctor came back....
He sat down beside my bed and told me I had an infection called “staphylococcus aureus” and that it was in my spine, my lungs and on the outside of my heart. He looked at my husband and then down at the floor and I knew what was coming, “At this point I don’t know if the medications will work fast enough, this is a life threatening infection and you’re in extremely bad shape. If you had waited even another day, I doubt we’d be having a conversation, you would have been dead. We’re going to do the best we can to help you get better.”
At the point it was probably 1-2am and I was taken out of emergency and admitted into the actual hospital, I went from walking that previous morning to not even being able to move myself from the stretcher to the bed in my room. The nurses helped me by placing a board under my back and slid me over. This is where my memory gets a bit fuzzy, the nurses said its normal when in extreme pain for your mind to block out certain memories and my pain was extreme.
Aug. 8th 2018, At about 9am the nurse told me they were coming to do another ultrasound and wheeled me into the exam room. It was over pretty quickly and I was taken back to my room, shortly thereafter a doctor came to see and sadly told me the ultrasound they did unfortunately showed the baby had passed away inside me during the night. I felt numb, like the only thing good I had learned since coming to the hospital was gone, Another doctor that specialized in obstetrics and gynecology came to see me and asked if I wanted to wait for the miscarriage to take place naturally or if I wanted to go ahead with a DNC (Basically a medically needed abortion to remove the dead fetus), I chose the DNC.
It took place that night, I laid on the table in the operating room and tried to be in a “joking” mood but inside I was dying, I wanted them to tell me they’d made a mistake, that the ultrasound was wrong. But it wasn’t wrong and a few hours later I woke up in recovery, like it had never happened. I didn’t feel any pain or discomfort from the DNC, it was literally like that moment in my life had never existed, that the baby had never existed. But she did, don’t ask me why I think/know it was a girl but I do, and I know in reality my body was in no shape to carry a pregnancy. I was fighting for my life and my body needed to focus on fighting the infection, period. But doesn’t change the loss I felt, the emotional pain of going through that alone (my husband wasn’t allowed in).
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