FML in Who I Am

My life is a constant stream of utter bullshit.
I went out with Matt the other night. I ended up getting sick right after I ate dinner.
I apologized to him and he actually seemed like he was either annoyed or mad. I asked him about it today and he said he just wanted to make sure I was good..
Idk. I don’t see how making me feel guilty with the apprehensiveness would make sure I was “good”
It put me right back to where I was with him at the end of our relationship. Or atleast the same feeling.
I feel really sad and shitty about everything right now.
I want to die more very fucking day.
I thought I wanted this. But no I’m not so sure. Now I feel like a dumbass.

Kenny is always nice to me. Always supportive and positive.

idk what to do you guys. im at a fucking loss. in EVERY sense in this situation.

I fucking hate life SO goddamn much.
I looked at my bills vs my checking account and actually laughed/cried.

im actually going insane. I just feel like no matter what Im gonna be stuck in this fuckass position in life and theres literally nothing I can do.

I want to cry.