Forced Hiatus in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Shit.

So… things are spiraling out of control. Like… this county, like most counties in Iowa, only has 1 Trial Date per month. AT MOST that means we can fit 24 trials per year if we PUSH REALLY HARD AND GO NUCKING FUTZ.

So…add several complete assholes who refuse to be held accountable for their violent bullshit… add that to trying to move TWICE and closing on a house AND add that to the Marriage Counseling and recurring unmet Needs on my part.... I may have to take a hiatus from PB. I don’t say that lightly. I fucking LOVE this place. And… even in “hiatus” mode I’ll likely write a few times a week. It’s just… FUCK.

Imagine being a babysitter for over 4000 people.... while trying to buy a house… while trying to move… while handling the press (interview requests from the media are piling up) while dealing with a decade of emotional issues that stem partially from a lifetime of pent up sexuality. So… I have about a dozen hundred thousand million billion trillion quatillion things to say… but no time to say them.

If I don’t write as often.... feel free to use a D20 to randomly select from the following list and that is likely exactly what I am feeling.

1. Hungry

2. Tired

3. It is funny how some assholes think that hitting their spouse is considered “good husband” activity

4. NO I will not fucking dismiss your traffic ticket

5. FUCK! Dumbest jury ever!

6. HOORAY! Smartest jury ever!

7. Sonofabitchbastard! Why can’t the judge just accept that PERHAPS since the law was written clearly, maybe we don’t have to reinvent the fucking wheel!

8. Uh. Dude? You already admitted the crime to the police. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DEMANDING JURY TRIAL!?

9. My wife is hot. Like… really. Super hot. She wore something awesome and actually put on makeup and… FUCK! It was like “Yeah. No wonder I’m helpless against her!” but simultaneously… it is like 99% of the time she doesn’t give a fuck!

10. Christ! I’m sick of Wife calling me fat!

11. Oops, shit. I drank too much. Not a big deal, really but… ooops.

12. God DAMN I feel fat today. I mean.... I know it doesn’t help when Wife bitches but… it hurts just a little more today because I 100000% agree with her.

13. UGH. I am so fucking horny today! Like… I love my wife but I’m to the point right now where if my 69 year old secretary said “fuck me” I’d fucking consider it!

14. OMG! I just dealt with the dumbest fucking attorney I’ve ever met!

15. So… Meth is a hell of a drug! This defendant has no concept of reality or health and it is like their skin is fucking peeling off their body! GROSS!

16. Fucking meth. In walks in a sexy as hell chick (two children regardless) and she admits to a meth problem. Uhm… please Christ help her get over it because she COULD be a productive citizen… she just needs to kick that fucking evil drug!

17. Fucking DAA. In walks a sexy, intelligent, young girl that (when I was her age) I would have moved heaven and hell to make her happy… and she’s bawling because I’m prosecuting the asshole who beat the shit out of her. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!! Fuck Christ!! You’re too hot, too sweet, too nice, too young to volunteer for this shit!!!

18. Isn’t THAT interesting!! A pattern is developing!! Obese women walk in to court begging me to dismiss the DVA charge. Boyfriend walks in. Thin, strong, traditionally attractive looking dude. I’M FUCKING LIVID! These assholes are TARGETING! “Hi, I’m an attractive dude voluntarily flirting with a morbidly obese girl. You should date me and let me do whatever the fuck I want because you’ll never get someone like me again.” For Christ’ Sake. I get it. I do. But I can still be pissed to fucking hell about it.

19. Oh, shit. I am so tired. Like seriously. I love my job. I do. I love my job. But it is also pretty taxing. I just need to rest. I need to sleep for 23 hours, have a nice hot long bath, and play video games for 40 hours and I’ll be okay!

20. Oh, balls. I’m in that awkward place where my body hurts, I’m tired, I should be asleep, but I’m horny as fuck. It’s like… my body is screaming “SLEEP!” “BE IN LESS PAIN!” but my mind, libido, and penis are all saying “Dude… increased pain means increased sensitivity. OBEY THE ORGASM!”

So.... there you go. A D20 guide to whatever I’m likely feeling when you realize I’m not writing as much as usual.