Now I get it!
okay, wow, I am the way I am today because of structure - or lack of.
I am the person I am today because no one expected anything from me!
its a wonderful realization, really. I have been trying to build a castle on a foundation of “brown sugar.” (no i wasn’t about to use sand! The only thing I remember from high school English was that cliches are bad!) while we are on the subject my high school english teacher… f you. I remember her saying “youre going to college? you’ll be dropped out in your first semester.” Ha jokes on you! I graduated! I have a bachelor’s degree and it only took me five-and-a-half years! I exceeded her expectations! psh… one semester… super senior status over here.
Now, lets go back further than that though, shall we. “mami, me quires?” a four or maybe 5 year old me would say to my mother. A frequent question to which I distinctly remember being ignored to. Being the persistent, child I was -as most children that age are- i asked again, and again
and again
and again
and again
I eventually got a “si hombre!”
oh… nothing like the unconditional love of a mother… for my non-spanish speaking amigos what just happened here was a small boy constantly asking his mother whether or not she loves him and pretty much getting a “i guess, now please shut the fuck up!” answer.
I know what you’re thinking… god how sad. But actually I am writing(typing) this with a smile on my face! really it was one of my happy memories, because it let me know that my mother was human! She speaks! She is a human and yes, Si me quire!
Believe me, this is just one of the many broken links in the biopsychosocial development of your very damaged adult writer.
Not that i would hardly call myself that. (adult)
(OR WRITER WHO ARE WE KIDDING, THERE WAS NO STRUCTURE TO THIS ENTRY, GOD FUCK)
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