My Mind in Journal #1: The Real Me

I’m unstable, I’m just wrong. And I know, but I find it hilarious.I want to see if I can explain it.
There’s a lot of complex little things that go on in my head, but when you get down to it most things (people) that seem complicated aren’t at all.

So, I have a lot of sociopathic traits. I used to be in emotional turmoil but now I’m just in turmoil. It’s actually a living hell, I’m suffering and it’s mostly boredom and impulsivity and when those things mix I get anxious and go just a bit insane.
To the point where I enjoy causing myself psychological agony.
Pushing myself to the absolute limits, ruining things for myself etc.

I like to think of myself as two people.
One person is calm,impulsive, evil, dark,angry,maladjusted.
And the second person is nice, rational, manipulative, and for the most part is just following person #1.

They are not in sync, and if they were I’d definetly be more empty than I am now.
They’re like two walls that almost touch but not quite and in between the crevice where they cease to touch, is tiny little bouts of blunt emotions that seep through. Like anger and amusement, anxiety, and even fears.
And these feelings aren’t stable, because these two walls/people are still trying to connect despite it all.

So the almost emotions come and go, and I laugh when I feel them because its like my souls being lightly tickled with a feather or something. There’s nothing more hilarious than my subconscious trying to heal itself and failing.

And Empathy? Nah.