Random Bit of Fluff in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018
- Aug. 9, 2018, 1:06 p.m.
- |
- Public
Today I was thinking and considering my last several years.
NOW…
I’ve only been in this “new life” for a little over a month, so that is not at all sufficient time to get the proper most realistic perspective on things.
But that being said....
I haven’t been this happy or comfortable in my life in a LONG long time.
(1) Perhaps that is because of the job
(2) Perhaps that is because I am now not living with my Wife
I don’t know which it is. It might be both. It is tough to say.
That being said, I am still the sexually repressed therefore needy man I’ve always been.
Well… I say sexually but I suppose there is also an emotional component as well… but I can falsely equate one to the other.
I want someone to let me know that… I’m still desirable despite the fact that I haven’t been exercising as much as I should be.
I want someone to surprise me in heels and black stockings because they know that is some crazy cheat code to my libido.
I want someone to text me and engage in libidinous and bawdy conversation.
I want someone to show me that my orgasm matters.
In moments like these, I consider Aoife and Aku. The two women who proved to be the most sexually expressive in my life. Aoife… who was a wreck. Aku… who tried to wreck everything/everyone. And I know that women needn’t be “mental cases” to have healthy sexual appetites and express themselves sexually.... but… it hasn’t really been a thing I’ve seen in the real world.
Sexually expressive, curious, and open to exploration? MASSIVE mental trauma.
And that is something I wish I understood better. Why my world has either been mostly celibate or outright crazy.
Now… I know… sex with my wife hasn’t been that long ago… being separated has, apparently, made her realize that having a sexual relationship with her husband may be an important part of marriage. But… even still… it would be nice if my needs and desires were considered. Or, in the alternative, if my needs and desires could be (at least in some small way) alleviated in other ways.
caramelchicken ⋅ August 09, 2018
I think it's probably a combination, having a decent job that's not ridiculously stressful plus having a relaxing home environment where you're not continually exposed to Wife's negativity.
Pretty sure I've already said that Wife and your exes are NOT representative of normal women, they are all extremes. Extreme extremes at that. Women don't normally go around talking about their sex life to men who aren't their partner/fwb so of course you haven't seen healthy sexual desire/expression from normal women in the real world. And the reason you haven't experienced that personally is because you haven't had the opportunity. You've only had three relationships, all commenced when you had low self confidence, and then you've been with Wife since and not known any different/not believed you can get any better/wanted to make your marriage work. The celibate vs crazy thing you've experienced is just because of the women all being extremes.
Perpetually Plump caramelchicken ⋅ August 09, 2018
I echo this sentiment, exactly. Your sample pool is far too small to use anecdotal evidence as gospel. There are lots of normal women who have very available sex lives with their partners. You just gotta find one of them.
Tempestuous1 ⋅ August 12, 2018
I'm glad you seem less stressed.