Alone in Stories of my life... literally

My family is never home & neither am I because we’re all working & when I’m not working I’m out. I barely have friends anymore, one of my closest friends went to college & dormed & we ultimately drifted & when I ask her to hangout when she was back she didn’t reply to my message. Another close friend wants to party 24/7 and we were close until she moved to a town 30 minutes away. When she moved, we drifted & I hate driving that far because gas & im bad with driving to unfamiliar places & when i get there, she wants to go somewhere else so i have to drive even more from there. on her end I probably seem like a bad friend but she doesn’t drive she doesn’t get gas prices, the long drive & how stressful it can get for me. And I feel like I’m not appreciated as much as she appreciates her other friends. She’s very party girl but all she wants to do is smoke weed & eat or go to the club & drink & smoke & do it all over again hour after hour day after day & it gets exhausting for me. So I end up pushing her away. & I have another friend and we always meet up at a cafe once in a while but to be honest a few months after we met & were close She moved & we have been drifted & for years we just meet up to pretty much catch up. But our lives are different & our work hours make it hard for us to actually hangout. So all I have is my boyfriend. & I love exploring & I have a constant urge to do something & go out & have some type of adventure & document it with a picture (I’m a memory hoarder). But he’s not like that, he enjoys playing video games all day & the only time he stops is to go to the gym. I just feel very lonely. I feel like my life is so boring. I have no stories to tell & nothing special going on. I feel like i have no real purpose, I’m not impacting anyone’s life, I don’t even know what i want to do with my life. I’m only going to college because it is the normal thing to do & I’m talentless so i can’t even quit college because i still don’t know what I’d do. I just feel so alone. I’m not suicidal but I will admit that I have been feeling like this for years & it’s so exhausting. I have thought about killing myself before and when i was younger (too young & dumb) i used To cut but even that was scary. I would never actually kill myself, I’d be too scared to actually do it. But when I am feeling a bit happy or around people I feel like I’m overreacting & avoid my feelings because i think these feelings are unimportant. The only person I’ve admitted this to is my boyfriend. But he doesn’t exactly understand it & i guess i shouldn’t expect him to. He’s happy, he has everything he could want. He has a truly good life. And he says that i shouldn’t be sad because he loves me & i have him & my family & my friends, even though I’ve tried to explain it to him multiple times & he tells me that I should be happy. And if I could take this feeling away & just always be happy I really really would. I would love nothing more than to be happy. So I don’t tell him about my feelings too often. I feel like I am bringing negativity to his life & dragging him down. I mean there are people who are starving, dying, homeless, who have gone through way worse but here i am being selfish because I’m feeling “sad”. So i just hide these feelings deep inside but they come out when I’m alone. This is an easier way of letting it all out. Is this normal?