Having such a hard time feeling just ok, tired of pretending everything is and how or what to do about it makes me feel like I’m drowning cause I can’t seem to find solutions. We talked, we fought, we broke up, we got back together and nothing ever changes.
I don’t remember last time I felt wanted; I haven’t had sex in months, conversations are out of the question because they don’t exist either, is like I’m living with a stranger.
I also tried “putting myself out there” for a few weeks, it didn’t went well at all, I mean I’m not pretty but I’m not ugly.... I think.
Just for the sake of the person who reads this if someone actually does, I am a 27 y/o woman, lesbian, a little chubby and with a bunch of insecurities, there’s friends and teasers always saying I don’t know how pretty I am, but noone really acts on it, so i think there just trying to make me feel better.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this coworker, we kissed once, it was amazing, we wanted to be friends with benefits since we are both married, adults, but she’s very “easy” she’s being with lots of guys that I’ve seen first hand because I was there, and I know. It’s always being a turn off, but God there’s just something about her that just tears me, maybe is the fact that we never did anything other than a few kisses, maybe it’s the things she said to me that day, maybe is the fact that she’s hot as fuck or maybe is the fact that everyone else has gotten lucky but me and gets me thinking all the time I’m just not good enough.
Matter of fact is I feel unwanted, unattractive, unloved, and I can keep going....
Am I back with my wife because I don’t want to be alone, or are we really trying to make this work, I know I’mtrying but it feels like a one way steet. Have the past five years gone down the drain?
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