How did we get here? in General feelings on things

I keep rewinding the past 6 years in my head, hell at times the past 10 years. I have made decisions I wouldn’t change for anything but then there are others… the ones that skip through my mind every day. The ones that leave me asking what if? I just dont know how I got so far off track, how things could turn out so unfair. Maybe I only have me to blame. Probably. I go home to a guy every day I dont want to be with because I fail everytime I try to leave. Nothing has fallen in place since I chose to come back a few years ago. Why did I do that? Fear? It must’ve been the fear. Why do I still have this guy running through my mind every day even though it’s been years since I’ve ran through his? Why cant I make this madness stop? Why wont he just go away? Or maybe come back? It’s too late for that now I suppose. Too much has happened and we’ve just traveled too far at this point.