This morning my husband came after me. in Bare

I am afraid to even write of it, I am from Haiti therefore superstitious. I came in this country at age 14, so I am also American. Many times I ignore this part of my nature like I will this morning. “His Blood gases are out of control we do not know if he will make it” They were talking about my farther. Last night I dreamed that my farther was very sick and on the verge of dying. I remember crying non-stop telling myself that I knew of this problem for years and yet did nothing about it. It was the first time I had the feeling of someone close to me dying. Even though it was a dream, It felt like no pain I’ve felt before.
This morning I woke up puzzled, afraid. “Will someone in the family die?” I asked myself. I promised myself not to speak of this dream to my mother, she will surely take a dream book and give me an explanation that will make me paranoid for the rest of the week. “Not every dream come true” I tell myself. I stayed in bed happy to be sleeping in this morning. My husband decided that he would give our 2 month old daughter her night feed, to allow me to rest. Little did I know he would want something back. Its 6:30 am, our little girl is already with our live in nanny, her shift starts at 5 am. my husband walked in the room, turned on the light grabbed my hips and rolled me over to my stomach. He was naked and ready, I could hear him spit on his hands and rub it on himself. I did the same afraid that I might not be ready. As he tried to push himself in, I decided that I really was not ready and told him to get the lubricant. After 10 mn into I felt very sore, this new Astroglide natural lubricant was not cutting it. I stopped him, telling him that I was hurting. He reluctantly stopped and told me to get ready for tonight. He went in the guest room across our bedroom to get ready for work, and I stayed in bed on my stomach with my shirt on bare waist down ” I definitely will try and get the purple head Astroglide” .
We started having sex again 2 weeks ago. I had a vaginal delivery, no tearing. I cant speak for other woman but sex have not been the same. I am not as tight I once was. Am still tight but not like I was before. My husband is well equipped so it does not make a big difference. He does not seem to care and still come after me 3-5 times a week. Its 7:23 Am he already left for work, the house is quiet. Our baby is sleeping in her day bed and the nanny next to her. I see them though the live cam in my phone. I am going back to sleep. This morning I feel, tired. I am always tired