Being 14 so far in 14

14 has been a big year for me. I think that with every year, but nope, this one’s even bigger. Because this year, I turned 14, and a month later my godbrother died. I went to my first funeral. I cried a lot. I saw my godparents crying for their son. I saw my godsister crying in the bathroom, and she told me and all the other girls trying to comfort her to hold onto our siblings. But just because you stop doesn’t mean life doesn’t, so I’m back in school by Friday. Next week Wednesday, in the middle of class, we go on lockdown. It isn’t til a girl pulls out her phone half an hour later that we learn there’s a shooting at Stoneman Douglas, the high school that’s right next to us. All I can think of is my brother and sister. My little sister just got out of school, and I hope my mom picked her up before the streets get crowded. My brother is at the high school, and I’m praying to god that he’s okay. My dad and little sister tells me he’s okay, but lost his phone. My school’s on lockdown for 2 hours, we’re supposed to be sitting in the dark, phones away, silent, but instead we’re whispering to each other, passing our phones around and trying to find the best news coverage. It’s a little ironic that we had to go to the national news to see what was happening right outside our window. One girl said that Douglas wouldn’t be known. It’d just be another statistic. I thought she was right because I couldn’t even remember the name of the last school that went through a shooting. They let us all out of class around 5:30 when school usually ends at 3:45. The traffic is so bad that I didn’t get home until 7:30, and we had to use the highway for what’s usually an 8 minute drive.

I went to my first vigil that Friday. My brother is with his friends, he’s alright physically, and mentally for the most part. He ended up walking halfway home. He told me’s lucky because even though he was in the building, his classroom wasn’t shot in. So, my brother isn’t with us at the vigil, but there are tons of camera crews in his place. Our town went from nothing into news station central in a day. I remember a camera guy taking a video of me with my mom while I was crying at the vigil. We left a little bit after.

The school board decided to ban homework and tests for 2 weeks. They had therapists in the library for those 2 weeks and we were told to go see them whenever we wanted. I never visited but from what I’ve heard it was mostly petting golden retrievers and coloring. A lot of kids were talking politics. I even remember the day of the shooting, when walking to a nearby Publix, a classmate of mine told me that Parkland school’s are known for how good they are, people must realize that safety is a problem. This other kid in my class was asking for them to put more guns in school, and said moving the age to buy guns was stupid. All of my teachers said they’d never want to be near students with guns.

The next Wednesday, as a school we held a vigil. I feel bad for saying this but it kinda sucked. Apparently the principal and class president gave a speech, but they didn’t have microphones or speakers or anything. They invited well over 1000 (Maybe 1500) students into a field, no one was gonna hear them. They were also going to release 17 balloons, but they lost one. Lots of kids tried to walk out, but no one did.

The school held another vigil. I don’t remember the date, but they knew that everyone had plans to walkout that day, so they thought they could hold a vigil instead. Then, a group of kids ran off the field and towards Douglas and over half the school followed them. I don’t know if the reporters we’re there beforehand, or if they have this weird psychic way of knowing what’s going to happen when, but journalists were all over the streets. A lot of my friends were interviewed. We ended up at Pine Trails Park. I felt bad though, because we didn’t realize until after the walkout that the school next door, my little sister’s school was put on Code Yellow. At Pine Trails some people had set up microphones and were giving speeches. Parents had come out to meet their kids. What I remember most about the walkout was seeing my best friend crying about Jaime. I remember her telling me how she couldn’t believe that her friend was gone. I remember starting to cry with her. I didn’t know Jaime or any of the victims, but it’s still heartbreaking to think that people were killed, and entire lives were gone. Kids we’re allowed back in school after the walkout. We were all very confused about whether or not we would be in trouble. One kid who had stayed late to talk to her high school friends was told that she would be suspended for not getting back before 5th period, and she was panicking during 6th period because she thought that she would be kicked out of this private school we got into. No one got in much trouble, but we were told we would be if it happened again. The lunch monitor told us how he saw kids running in the streets, disrupting traffic, playing on playground sets, and just fooling around. There were also teachers, saying they wished they could join us, but they had to stay in class for those 2 or 3 students who stayed behind.

This entire thing has gone on for too long, so I think I’ll stop here. I might write more, but I’m not sure.