I had a dream about Brent last night. He’s a pretty male dance instructor that I work with, and we have flirted a bit. There was one week when he was feeling particularly bad about his divorce, and I was nervous about performing in the Showcase, and we wound up talking late online on a Friday. We just sent each other photos of ourselves topless from the waist up. His eyes were shrink-wrapped in tears and swollen, but he was still trying to smile and flex. I told him, “I love it that you clearly debated how low you should put your pajama pants. One inch lower, perfect.”
I could see the lower edge of each hip bone, but no pubic hair. “Those Mountain Dew pajama pants are kind of everything, though.” “THEY. ARE. KIND. OF. EVERYTHING!!” he said.
I was talking about blowjobs or threesomes or something, and he asked me when all the hurting would stop. He is ok during the day, but at night, he starts shaking thinking about his wife being with her new boyfriend while he watches the kids.
“I put her here. I did this.”
He’d cheated on her.
He thought that marriage meant that he’d be having sex all the time. He, like me, thought that when you move in with someone, you’ll have sex more often than when you live apart. This was not the case. They went from having sex every time they saw each other, every 3 days or so, to every 5 days or so. He said he felt tricked. He felt lonely and rejected and alone, and started looking for validation from other sources. My marriage was similar.
I didn’t cheat, though. We were just open. Then we just drifted farther and farther apart. Plus Ian wasn’t actually interested in my pleasure, so there’s that.
Anyway, I dreamt about Brent last night. I wish I could say it was really saucy. I dreamt that I was at the front desk, and he came in wearing his cute black shirt, black belt, and black pants. I pretended I didn’t see him as he walked past into the bathroom. When he came out, he sat down and we talked a little. I rubbed his back affectionately for a few seconds, and let my hand trail down his back as I walked away. It was a transition from friendly like greeting a Labrador to romantic and lingering, then casually walking away. He made a happy little noise. The kind of noise you make when you want to kiss someone, but it isn’t a good time. Then I woke up.
I also dreamt that there were 20 kids with lightsabers playing in a blacklight at work, and I’d somehow forgotten that there was a sleepover rental for these kids, and I’d forgotten to staff it. They were happily telling me that they didn’t have to leave until noon the next day. I was horrified, because not only did I not staff it, it looked really bad on me, and I didn’t want to do it either.
He went on a date with Yalda again last night. He didn’t look at his phone all night.
I haven’t felt like this in years. Usually get outright rejected. This time, he just tripped and fell into monogamy. She’s gorgeous. She’s really smart, she’s kind, she’s talented, she’s warm, she’s politically active, she’s affectionate. She perfect, as far as I can tell. And she’d had a crush on him for a month. All of that is totally fine.
I’m just annoyed because I like petting him. He’s pretty. He’s funny. He understands me and doesn’t judge me. He likes to have a lot of sex.
Ok, Kenny just wrote me the cutest thing ever.
“My brain keeps reminding me of low key adventures we’ve been on, like that coffee shop near r city b (I think) and the Safeway trips during B***quake. Just funny how it’s not the actual events, just bumming around a new place with you.”
Is he not the cutest???
I don’t know what I did to get this man in my life. Well, yes. Yes I do. I flung myself at him. I was worried that I’d just use him to get over my husband and then hurt him by leaving. And he’s just kept taking care of me. He’s literally the sweetest man in the world.
Loading comments...