Statements in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018
- May 3, 2018, 8:08 p.m.
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- Public
(1) Thank you all for birthday wishes!
(2) I appreciated all of your sharing on your own opinions of abortion. I didn’t really state mine because (I’m a lawyer therefore) the number of “but then you have to remember” statements would be infuriating. But if I were to attempt to brutally condense my entire opinion down to at least a single sentence it would be: “Any total ban on abortion is irresponsible, cruel, and asinine. If you can’t think of a single instance where you would be okay with abortion… I would encourage you to try harder. Incest, rape, health of the mother… think hard.”
(3) Tornadoes/Extreme Weather is the big news of the day in Iowa today.
(4) I know that I had sex a few nights ago… and I’m lucky for it… but I am hoping and trying to get some sexual contact on my birthday. I know that some men get blowjobs (on the reg or on their birthday) and my Wife has been adamant on the list of no… so no bj, no handy, no any of that. Which actually specifically makes it more difficult to do things as there is very little room for escalation. In other words… it’s like “Sirloin or Baloney but nothing in between.” And yeah… it is my birthday, I’m going to try for Sirloin. HERE IS AN IMPORTANT AND FRUSTRATING ETHICAL QUESTION: I purchased alcohol because I want to drink on my birthday… Dark and Stormy… the official drink of Bermuda.... I’m 3rd Generation American from Bermuda on my Dad’s side… 3rd Generation American from Norway on my Mom’s side. IF I’m using “3rd Generation” correctly. Anyway… the important ethics question. I realize and accept that I’m not thrilled about wife’s need to get trashed in order to be intimate with me. It is a long standing sore point because… I have to ask “Aren’t I worth more?” Particularly that I’m worth more in the sense of… hearing “I love you”, getting unsolicited kisses, having a sexual encounter with my wife that was not largely inspired by alcohol… these things. But disregarding my own hangups about wife needing alcohol to have sex with me.... am I a monster if I ply her with booze with the intent to get her into a more suggestible state to agree to sex on my birthday? Like… I say that, I think that and it just sounds like rape. Like… that’s the definition of rape. Getting a woman to drink with the intention that she then has sex with me… that sounds rapey.
(5) I don’t know if this is selfish or sick or makes sense but… do you know what I want for my birthday? Like… what I’d really want? I would want to take a list of people I know or used to know; select maybe 30 or 40; and just have a long lunch with them. Hang out, see how they are, catch up, that kind of thing. That’s what I’d want.
caramelchicken ⋅ May 03, 2018
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Hope you have a good day and enjoy yourself!
Plying your wife with alcohol so she'll have sex with you definitely sounds rapey. Different if she chooses to drink and then has sex with you. But still not good when you're missing out on genuine intimacy.
I love your idea of picking a whole heap of people to catch up with! Why don't you do that? Make a list of who you want to catch up with and start contacting them and planning what you can! It will give you lots to look forward to :)
Deleted user ⋅ May 03, 2018
You should make a list and go look those people up !!
four leaf clover ⋅ May 03, 2018
Eh.... just offer her some drinks and go from there. Not like you're drugging her or getting her to the point where shes passing out right? I know my husband encourages me to drink sometimes because I'm more slutty that way lol.
crystalrose ⋅ May 04, 2018
Happy bday :).. Catch up with old friends, why not. Yeah it's only rapey if she's passed out drunk, or if she doesn't want to do it.
Comfortably Numb ⋅ May 04, 2018
Gah. I feel for you. It's probably not politically correct to say, but even though it sounds rapey, she's not amenable any other way and it IS her choice to drink, knowing she could end up having sex. I think your being conscious of the "rapey" aspect of it is what keeps it from being that way. Of course, that opinion is coming from a place of my spouse never wants sex either- for the past 19 years, so take it with a grain of salt. Also what crystal rose says. Obviously if she passes out or says no, then no. But otherwise, do what it takes, I don't think you're asking too much at all.
Comfortably Numb ⋅ May 04, 2018
Also, you deserve so much better than to even have to contemplate this issue. It's unfair of her to create this situation.
:(
Always Laughing ⋅ May 04, 2018
I like your wanting to have time to catch up with friends for your bday. I think if you offer and she drinks then that's her choice to drink. If you tried to force her to get drunk so you might have a chance a sex that's where it is not so ok.