042918 in Who I Am

I talked to Bobby. I told him that I think I still have feelings for my ex and I told him I don’t want to lead him on. I said I was sorry. He’s a really sweet guy. Always super respectful with me. He took it pretty hard. He was very understanding, but he took it hard. I feel so terrible. We go to talking last night again and we basically came to a FWB agreement, who knows. I’m really attracted to him and he’s wonderful, but it would never work out between us. It just wouldn’t. He’s got felonies, which makes everything that much more difficult. I am in no way judging him, these are just facts. You choose your partner. I don’t want mine to have legal things that hold us back from having a house, traveling, etc.

I still feel awful.

I’ve been back to consuming my motiv8 products. I’ve gained almost 8 pounds back and have since banned myself from my scale. I’m SO mad at myself. But this job is so different from my last one, I do my best to hit my step goal and things like that. Every break I go out to the pond and walk a lap, but the sitting constantly thing is super ruining my goals. I’m trying sooo hard.

I did a good amount of cardio yesterday. The night before though, I had some alcohol and a dank ass cheeseburger with some waffle fries. I had to. I had been craving a cheeseburger for literally a week, and Matt took me out and I had to treat myself.

I want this day to just stop! It’s so gorgeous out and I cant believe it is already Sunday and the work week starts again tomorrow :( :(

I got my period last night which hella sucks bc I was horny af and tryna get laid. urgghhh. Ended up ditching on a guy bc of it and going to get local ice cream with my friend Cherek and her boyfriend Kyle.

I need to work up the motivation to clean my room and go to the gym. So I’m gonna turn on some gangsta rap and smoke a quick bowl and just get right to it. Take some preworkout and get my shit togethaaaa