Day 1 in Thank God it's only weed.

I got in trouble with child services again, this time over thc in my newborns poop. I have had them called on me so much I am convinced I am a bad mom. The cases get closed within 2 weeks each time, but how many more times before they take them all away?
I live in a nice apartment, my kids have everything they want and need. It just seems like every couple of months I am doing something to get them involved in my life.
Anyways so now I have to be smoke free, that’s fine I guess. One thing I can say is I am not a fan of being sober, there is way too much to think about. I spent all day crying and I say I have no clue why, but I do.
I’m not happy, it’s not just cause I have no escape now, it’s because no one in my house is happy. They are stuck in their own world, all my attempts to make them happy fail. I have given up they would rather be on their games than interact. This just makes me sadder, I have a 3 year old an a newborn that i have kept away all day so they dont see me crying. It didn’t work she keeps coming to give me random hugs, then everyone is nice and wants to know how I am feeling and wants to spend time.
Too late for that now, I just wanna disappear not die just maybe be invisible, being ignored would hurt less then.