Procrastination Nation in Procrastination Nation

Completely new to this… At least, since the last decade and 1/2.... I use to keep all kinds of journals… One around the house, one or two online… then it faded away once I hit high school. Gave into the conversing, trying-to-find-myself, drugs-sex-and-freedom, atmosphere… Course they all didn’t happen at once.... And now Im a 30 year old mom,wifey-material with SOCIAL issues (haha, the irony), that works with the public; in a more sympathetic manner. I am a mortician… There… Not the most expected job title in the world… But pretty cool next to anything else I ever attempted… Even IF all the other ppl you ever met in life are working their ass off making big money at the local manufacturing places, or achieved their medical degrees (again, attempted. Not for me)… Anyway… Im not a fully LICENSED funeral director/embalmer. Thats why I even started this entry. To have spent 2 years of fascinating hell (mortuary school), only to partially pass my national boards, now at a month’s limit til I retake what I failed. I was so gon-ho to tackle back at the studying for what I needed to brush up on, and here it is into day 3… 4?… And I wanna procrastinate passionately. Sigh… Its just been dragging out… And I pressure myself so much… I need to breathe… But I have anxiety… and depression… and everything lately has been screwed up. Getting better. But my patience is getting the best of me… So this writing it all out, was worth every wasted minute of trying to study up… At least today. The husband is suppose to go have him some free time with adulting men and their manly ways… I did my girl thing last week at the beach… and GOD I needed it since the hell Ive been through lately. Mother universe has been a total piss ant....Dont even get me started. As I sit here watching this clock tick by, I think I may just go home and start again tomorrow while Im at work… Maybe we wont be as busy. Then I can write in here again!… I think Im getting some good feels from all this. Im pounding the hell out of the keyboard at, at LEAST 70 WPM. Its just flowing out right now. Idk if its because Ive had some good meds lately (broke three bones in my leg/ankle in the last 2 months… FIRST… TIME… EVER in my medical history of “no broken bones, NEVER”) or Im just channeling some nervous energy.....Ill decide later. I believe I got everything out for the moment… Considering I felt like raw shit for giving up on a study day. I miss my family. I spent ALOT of time away from them to finally achieve a college degree and Im getting the same vibes all over again when I was trying to study and graduate. Ugh… Okay… ONE free day.... Then Im back at it tomorrow. May 3rd will be here before I can achieve those 10 pounds I DESPERATELY wanna get rid of!… Another story to dwell for another day