Tired Thursday in Who I Am

I’ve been sleeping so shitty lately. Idk if it’s my bed or what. I have to take melatonin and Tylenol pm if I want to see any sort of uninterrupted sleep. even then im lucky to get 6 hours of unconsciousness.

Last night was one of those nights. I’m exhausted right this minute and it’s really hard for me to wanna get up and clean my apartment, do laundry, go to the gym. All things I absolutely need to be doing. I’m so behind on laundry it’s actually getting a little scary.

My sister is having her birthday/celebration tomorrow so that’ll be fun. I was also invited to an after-work shindig at this local bar which I’ll probably go to for socialization sake. I need to broaden my horizons. Slash make out with this dude I sit with at lunch because he is sooooo damn fine. lmao

Matt- He snapped me yesterday asking me how I was doing. I didn’t expect it to be a snap of his face, hes not the selfie type. but it was. and my heart kinda broke for a moment. I miss matt. what we had was special. it’s a lot for me to deal/process. I told him I was okay but that I do miss talking to him. He told me as long as I’m kinda seeing Bobby, he’s out. I get it. I just had to tell him that I do miss him too. Even if it was wrong or toxic of me. I needed him to know.

Bobby- He’s great but JFC I haaaaate his work/sleeping schedule. basically he’s 8 hours behind me, sooo when I’m having lunch, he’s just waking up so he can go to work til close. then he’s up til like 6 or so in the morning, rinse and repeat. I don’t understand that either. I mean it’s his life and that’s how hes been living It so its whatever but I just don’t get it. Ive worked nights too and that just meant i worked at night, not went to bed at 6 am and slept til 1pm. that’s just so weird to me.

I miss having someone to talk to like at any moment. If i was ever upset at work or something i could ALWAYS call matt and he would ALWAYS answer. no matter what. and if he didn’t, hed call me right back and make sure i was ok. see that’s the thing with new relationships. you don’t wanna come off as needy. but i am a little. I’m very independent but im still a person with needs.

I miss a lot of things about Matt. It’s hard for me to not compare Bobby to him, as I’ve mentioned before.

I’m glad prosebox is staying around. This has been a huge past 365 for me and I’d hate to see it disappear again like OD.

I’m so sober that it kind of hurts lmao ive been budless for days and it looks like its gonna be that way for the foreseeable future. oh well.