Doldrums in Pressure Valve

I’m in them. I work work work and see myself be productive, and then I just drop off. I enter this weird void where I cannot move unless catapulted by requirement. I feel like I operate outside of normal time and space where I just am and then I have to play my productive competent self. That self feels real, too, so that’s notable and appreciated. It just takes so much energy and I struggle to sustain it. I’m lucky I got to work, even though the time I needed to be there was shamefully late in the day. I hate how much I’m struggling with the same things my clients are.
I should go to therapy, but I hate all of the therapists’ info pages. How do you decide? It’s all such bullshit. I have one of my own and it makes me cringe.
I just really am leaden. And slapdash with things that I really should be taking seriously. But I just don’t fucking care. I just only have so much bandwidth. But I’m putting it towards this instead of my work. Hm.