There’s a certain appeal to the act of anonymously pouring out the contents of your heart to strangers on the internet. The main attraction i would say is the fact that there is nothing any one of you can do about it. When talking to actual humans, there is a certain element of disinterest towards pretty much all the towards any words that manage to escape my mouth, which my anxious brain tends to interpret irrationally and act accordingly… leading me here i suppose.
I’m not entirely sure what i’m supposed to do about any of this. Generally, there are a lot of things that i really dont want to have to deal with at any point in time, but at the same time i want to sit up until the early hours talking about every tiny problem with someone who genuinely wants to know, rather than sitting up into the early hours with only something stupid to do.
I really really just hate everything. I hate that i have to hide the fact that my life, which was never built on solid foundations in the first place, is quite literally crumbling around me. (I say literally because the corner of my room is caving in - i have to keep a bucket on top of my record player to catch water when it rains.) But at the same time as hiding it, i have to keep enough of it on show so that when it is relevant to bring up, people believe my situation. Finding the balance between hiding just enough and showing so much you seem like a lunatic is the single most excruciating thing that i have to do with my life. Its frustrating to say the least… to say the most would involve a whole load of foul language.
~ Song Recommendation: Gutter - nothing,nowhere ~
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