Am I really dying? in Seriously?

The realizations come in waves. If they didn’t, I’d drown. Yesterday I learned that 1 in 5 breast cancer patients die within 30 days of starting chemo. It’s the chemo that kills them. A women I met last year who had just had a recurrence is now dead. Could that really be me? That is certainly what the statistics are saying.
So what do I do? I’m both tired and anxious. My time is running out but I have no direction, no goals, no purpose.
And the desperation can only be held back for so long.